Gravity Falls Rule 63
by Stinkfly3
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen if the characters were the opposite gender? Read this fanfic to find out!
1. Tourist Trapped

**Ah, summer break. A time for leisure, recreation, and taking her easy. Unless you're me.**

CRASH!

A boy and a girl crashed through a billboard in a golf cart. The girl was driving it, trying to look brave. The boy, on the other hand, looked back. "It's getting closer!" he exclaimed.

The girl took a deep breath as she kept on driving. She had long, messy brown hair and relatively pale skin. Her eyes were brown with noticeable bags underneath. She wore an orange t-shirt, gray shorts, and black sneakers. She also had a navy blue hoodie tied around her waist.

The boy looked somewhat like the girl. His cheeks were round with pink spots, his short hair was brown, his eyes were brown, and he wore braces. He wore a light pink t-shirt, dark pink Sony headphones, purple shorts, and black sneakers. He was also wearing a medallion that consisted of a small silver chain and a Twilight Sparkle blind bag figure.

**My name is Dana. The guy about to puke is my brother Marcus. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart, fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror.**

Suddenly, an unseen creature threw a tree in the golf cart's path. "Look out!" Marcus hollered.

**Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.**

* * *

**Let's rewind. It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air.**

Dana (who had her hair done in a ponytail) and Marcus (who was wearing a Flower Wishes medallion) were in the living room of their house. Dana was sitting on the couch, drawing a picture in her notepad. Marcus was sitting next to her, using a tiny drill to make a Pony medallion. As the two were working on their own projects, their parents walked in.

"Kids, is this what you're going to do all summer?" Mr. Pines asked.

"Yeah," Dana replied, not looking up from her notepad. "Don't know about Marcus."

"I don't know what I'll do this summer," Marcus said, inspecting the new medallion. "Hopefully I'll convert the rest of my Blind Bag figures into medallions."

"How would you like to spend this summer in Oregon with your great-aunt?" Mrs. Pines asked.

Dana shrugged. "Sure," she said.

"I'm okay with that," Marcus said.

* * *

**They shipped us up north to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, Oregon to stay at our great-aunt's place in the woods.**

When Dana and Marcus arrived in their room in the cabin's attic, they unpacked their bags. Dana brought her artist's kit, which consisted of several blank notepads, #2 pencils, pink erasers, colored pencils, and a slightly heavy manual pencil sharpener. Marcus brought his Pony stuff and his medallion tool supplies.

"This attic is amazing," Marcus commented. "Check out this cool shelf for my Pony stuff!"

Dana rolled her eyes. "I can never get why you like Ponies so much," she said.

"It's popular among guys," Marcus explained. "Wonder if there's a store in town where I can buy more Blind Bag figures."

* * *

**My brother tended to look on the bright side of things.**

Outside, Dana and Marcus were doing their own things. Marcus was checking out the forest, while Dana was drawing a sketch of the scenery.

**But I was having a hard time getting used to our new surroundings. That is, until I realized how beautiful this place is. It's been a week and I already finished a few sketches.**

As Dana sketched, she noticed a woman nearby. She had brown eyes and light gray hair. She wore a maroon fez, which had a yellow crescent shape on the front. She wore a pair of rectangular glasses. Her outfit was a black woman's suit with the jacket buttoned closed, a bow tie similar in color to her fez, and a white dress shirt. She also wore dark gray stockings, light brown high heels, and yellow circle earrings. She held an eight ball cane.

**And there was our great-aunt Silvia-**

Dana rolled her eyes, finishing up her sketch.

**-that woman.**

* * *

**Our aunt transformed her house into a jewelry place called 'The Surprise Hut'. The real surprise is that so many people came each day.**

At the Surprise Hut, Silvia was showing a group of people various gemstones that were on display. "Ladies and gentlemen, behold!" she said. "A necklace wore by Queen Cleopatra herself!" The group got excited and took pictures of said necklace.

**And guess who had to work there.**

Dana and Marcus were nearby, sweeping the store's floor with brooms. Dana looked at the group as she sighed, already bored.

**I thought it was going to be the same boring routine all summer. Until one fateful day...**

* * *

One day, Marcus peeked through some bobblehead dolls. "She's looking at it," he whispered. "She's looking at it!"

Nearby, a girl looked at a note.

Hey there, gorgeous. You, me, romantic date. You game? Yes Definitely Absolutely

"I rigged it," Marcus told Dana.

Dana sighed. "Marcus, I know you're going through your whole girl crazy phase," she said. "But I think you're kind of overdoing it with the crazy part."

"What?" Marcus asked. "Come on, Dana! This is our first summer away from home. It's my big chance to have a summer girlfriend."

"Yeah, but do you need to flirt with every girl you meet?" Dana asked.

**Flashback**

_Marcus stood next to a girl who was looking at some postcards. "The name's Marcus," he said. "But you can call me your future husband."_

_The girl rolled her eyes and walked off._

**Next Flashback**

_Outside, a girl was sitting on a bench with a turtle. Marcus walked up to the girl and sat next to her. "You like turtles, huh?" he asked. "Well I happen to like turtles too. Maybe we should hang out some time for a bit of turtle talk."_

_The girl got up and left._

**End Flashback**

"Mock all you want, sister," Marcus said. "But I've got a good feeling this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if I met a gorgeous girl today."

Silvia walked in it with arrow signs. "Okay everyone," she said. "I need someone to hammer up these signs in the forest."

"Not it," Dana said.

"Not it," Marcus said.

"Also not it," a chubby woman said. She wore a brown cap and emerald studded earrings. She had light peach skin and buck teeth. She wore dark brown shoes, beige shorts and a dark green shirt with a big question mark on the front and the word 'Staff' on the back. She also had a double chin and dark blonde hair that was pulled back in a ponytail.

"Nobody asked you, Salls," Silvia said.

"I know, and I'm comfortable with that," Salls replied. Then she took a bite out of a chocolate bar.

"William, I need you to put up these signs," Silvia said.

William was a very tall and skinny high school student. He had green eyes, pale skin, and freckles. He had short red hair and was wearing a tan and black lumberjack hat. He wore a jade plaid shirt with a white t-shirt underneath, blue jeans and muddy rain boots. "I would, but I can't reach it," he said, not getting up from his spot behind the cash register.

"Well if no one's volunteering, I'll have to choose someone at random," Silvia said. "How about...Dana?"

"What?" Dana asked. "Graunt Silvia, whenever I'm in the woods, I feel like I'm being watched."

"Oh Dana, you and your imagination," Silvia said.

"I'm telling you, something weird is going on in this town," Dana insisted. "Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out 'beware'." She held up her arm.

"Looks more like 'bewarb'," Silvia said.

Dana looked at her arm. Sure enough, the bites read BEWARB.

"Dana, you have nothing to worry about," Silvia said. "The whole 'monsters in the forest' thing is just local legend town kooks made after drinking too much frozen beverages. So please stop being so paranoid." She gave Dana the signs.

* * *

At the forest, Dana hammered the signs to various trees. _"Graunt Silvia,"_ she thought. _"Nobody ever believes anything I say."_ She put one sign up on a tree that read 'To The Surprise Hut'.

Dana started to hammer a nail on another tree trunk, but it made a metallic sound. She tapped the tree again with the hammer, causing more metallic sounds. Curious, Dana wiped away some dust and opened a secret window that showed a box with two control switches on top. She tested one control, but nothing happened. Then she tried the other switch.

Suddenly, a hole opened up the ground. _"What the...?"_ Dana thought. She looked inside the hole and found a book. The cover featured a hand with six fingers on it and the number 3. She puts the book on the ground and checked to she if no one saw her.

Dana opened the cover and noticed an eye-glass. She looked at it and put it down. She turned the page and read a small passage that was in the book.

**It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began researching the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon. In all my travels, never have I observed so many curious things! Gravity Falls is indeed a geographical oddity.**

Dana skimmed through the book. When she was halfway through the book, she noticed it stopped after the left page.

**Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed, I'm being watched. I must hide this book before 'he' finds it. Remember, in Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust.**

"Hello."

That voice came from Marcus, who just showed up. "Whatcha reading?" he asked. "Some artist's manual?"

"Uh-uh-it's nothing!" Dana stammered.

Marcus let out a laugh. "What? Are you actually not gonna show me?"

Dana looked around. "Uhhh, let's go somewhere private."

* * *

Back at the Surprise Hut, Dana showed Marcus the book. "It's amazing!" she said. "Graunt Silvia said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has a secret dark side."

"Whoa!" Marcus exclaimed. "That's the second coolest thing I ever saw!"

"And get this!" Dana continued. "After a certain point, the pages just stop, like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared!"

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. "Who's that?" Dana asked.

"Well, time to spill the beans!" Marcus answered. "This guy's got a date!"

"Let me get this straight," Dana said. "In the half hour I was gone, you already found a girlfriend?"

"What can I say?" Marcus said with a shrug. "Guess I'm a chick magnet."

The doorbell rang again. "Coming!" Marcus called out, running out of the room.

Dana sat on the sofa and read her new book. As if on cue, Silvia walked in with a plastic teacup. "What are you reading, Dana?" the older woman asked.

Panicked, Dana stuffed the book under the seat cushion and grabbed a nearby magazine. "I was just catching up on-uh-..." She looked at the cover. "...How to Live Young at Sixty."

"That's a good book," Silvia said, sitting on a nearby chair. "Helped me stay this young in my old age."

Dana pretended to read as Marcus came back. "Hey, family!" he said. "Say hello to my new girlfriend!"

Dana and Silvia noticed Marcus stood next to an older girl. It was hard to tell what she looked like because she wore a black jacket with the hood up. "Hey there," she said.

"We met at the cemetery," Marcus explained. "She's pretty cool."

"So, what's your name?" Dana asked, getting suspicious.

"Uh...normal..WOMAN," the girl said.

"She means Nora," Marcus said.

Dana squinted. "Are you.. bleeding, Nora?"

Nora looked around suspiciously. "It's jam," she said.

Marcus gasped. "I love jam!" he said. "Look at this."

"So, are we going to go hold hands or... whatever?" Nora asked.

"Sure thing, beautiful," Marcus answered. He looked over at Dana and Silvia. "Don't wait up."

Marcus left the room. Nora smacked into the wall, then turned around and staggered after Marcus.

* * *

**There was something about Nora that wasn't right. I decided to consult the journal.**

At the hut's attic, Dana was reading off of the book.

**Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes these creatures are often mistaken for teenagers. Beware Gravity Falls nefarious zombie.**

Dana gasped, comparing Nora to the picture of the undead in the book in her mind. She let out a scream. She looked out the window, seeing Nora slowly walking towards Marcus.

"You're amazing," Marcus said.

"Oh, no! MARCUS!" Dana yelped. "Watch out!"

Nora continueed to walk towards Marcus as she raised her hand. Dana gasped then screamed as...Nora put her hand on Marcus' medallion. "Yes, that's a Pony," he said. "I like them."

"Pony," Nora repeated.

Dana leaned back in her seat. _"Is my brother really dating a zombie, or am I just going nuts?"_ she thought.

Salls randomly appeared screwing in a light bulb, and Dana gasped. "You feeling alright?" the older girl asked. "I couldn't help but overhear you screaming in this empty room."

"Salls, you probably saw Marcus' girlfriend," Dana said. "She's gotta be a zombie, right?"

"How many brains did you see the girl eat?" Salls asked.

"Zero..." Dana answered.

"I believe you, Dana," Salls said. "I'm always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like the mailman? Pretty sure he's a werewolf. But you gotta have evidence. Otherwise, people are gonna think you're a major league cuckoo clock."

"As always, Salls, you're right," Dana said.

"My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse," Salls said, adjusting her hat.

"Salls! The guest restrooms are clogged again!" Silvia called from downstairs.

"I am needed elsewhere," Salls said, leaving the room.

* * *

**My brother could be in trouble. It was time to get some evidence. After a few hours, I saw enough.**

At the twins' room, Dana confronted her brother. "Marcus, we've gotta talk about Nora!"

"Isn't she the best?" Marcus asked.

"Marcus, listen!" Dana said. "I'm trying to tell you that Nora is not what she seems!"

Marcus gasped. "You think she might be a gamma girl like She-Hulk?" he asked. "That would be so hot!"

"Guess again, brother," Dana said. "Sha-bam!" She held up the page about the undead.

"A zombie?" Marcus asked. "That is not funny, Dana."

"I'm not joking!" Dana insisted. "It all adds up! The bleeding, the limp... She never blinks! Have you noticed that?"

"Maybe she's blinking when you're blinking," Marcus guessed.

"Remember what the book said about Gravity Falls?" Dana asked. "Trust no one!"

"Well, what about me?" Marcus asked. "Why can't you trust me?"

"Marcus, she's gonna eat your brain!" Dana warned.

"Dana, listen to me," Marcus said. "Nora and I are going on a date at five o'clock, I'm gonna be awesome, she's gonna be amazing, and I am not gonna let you ruin it with one of your crazy conspiracies!"

* * *

That afternoon, Dana sat on the couch going over her videos of Marcus and Nora. The doorbell rang. "Coming!" Marcus called out, running downstairs. He was now wearing his Twilight Sparkle medallion. He opened the door. "Hey, Nora! How do I look?"

Nora looked at the medallion. "Purple," she said.

"You always know what to say," Marcus remarked as he went outside and closed the door.

_"Salls was right,"_ Dana thought. _"I don't have any real evidence. I guess I can be kind of paranoid sometimes and-"_

One of the videos showed Nora's hand falling off, then she casually put it back on her arm before Marcus could notice. Dana shrieked at the sight.

* * *

Outside, Silvia was in the middle of one of her tours. "And here we have the Chalmers Topaz," she said.

"Where was it originally found?" a tourist asked.

"Brazil," Silvia answered.

"Where did the name come from?" another tourist asked.

"A former Field Museum trustee who went by the name William J. Chalmers," Silvia answered.

Dana ran over to her aunt. "Graunt Silvia, you have to help me!" the younger girl said. "Marcus' life is at risk!"

"Sorry about my great-niece," Silvia told the tourists. "She can be a bit jumpy."

* * *

Meanwhile, Marcus and Nora were in the woods. "Finally, we're alone," Marcus said.

"Yes," Nora agreed "Alone..."

* * *

Back at the Surprise Hut, Dana ran over to William. "William! I need to borrow the golf cart so I can save my brother from a zombie!"

"Sure," William said, giving Dana the cart keys. "Try not to hit any pedestrians."

Dana got in the cart and started the engine. But before she could leave, Salls approached her. "Dana wait," the older girl said. "This is for the zombies." She gave Dana a shovel.

"Thanks," Dana said.

"And this is in case you see a pinata," Salls said, giving Dana a bat.

"Uh... Thanks?" Dana asked.

"Better safe than sorry," Salls explained.

* * *

Nora cleared her throat. "Marcus, now that we've gotten to know each other, there's something I should tell you."

"It's alright, babe," Marcus said. "You can tell me anything!" He crossed his fingers, hoping Nora was really a gamma girl.

"All right," Nora said. "Just don't freak out."

Marcus watched in shock as Nora took off her coat, revealing herself to be...five female gnomes standing on top of each other?

"Is this weird?" one of the gnomes asked. "Is this too weird? Do you need to sit down?"

"Uh..." Marcus said, unable to form words.

"Right, I'll explain," the gnome said. "So! We're gnomes. First off. Get that one outta the way. I'm Jill, and here we have Carol, Stella, Jaclyn, and Lucky Lu. Long story short, us gnomes have been lookin' for a new king! So what do you say? Will you join us in holy matrimony?"

"Look...I'm sorry," Marcus said. "You're really sweet, but...I'm a guy, and you're gnomes. I don't think it'll work out."

"We understand," Jill said. "We'll never forget you, Marcus. Because we're gonna kidnap you."

* * *

As Dana drove the golf cart through the woods, she heard a loud shriek. "Don't worry, Marcus!" she called out. "I'll save you from that zombie!"

* * *

Deep in the forest, was surrounded by the gnomes. "The more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for me!"

"Let go of me!" Marcus said. He punched one gnome away and kicks another in the stomach. The second gnome was knocked out cold.

By the time Dana showed up, Marcus was already tied up. "What the heck is going on here?!" the girl twin asked.

"Nora turned out to be a bunch of gnomes!" Marcus explained.

"Gnomes?" Dana asked. "Wow, I was way off." She took the journal out of her backpack and read the relevant page aloud. "'Gnomes; little men, or women in this case, of the Gravity Falls forest. Weaknesses, unknown'."

"Aw, come on!" Marcus complained.

Dana walked up to Jill. "Let go of my brother!" Dana said.

"This is all really just a big misunderstanding," Jill said. "You see, your brother's not in danger. He's just marrying me and becoming the gnome king for all eternity!"

"You guys are butt-faces!" Marcus said.

Dana held up the shovel she brought, pointing it at Jill. "Give him back right now, or else!"

"You think you can stop us, girl?" Jill asked. "You have no idea what we're capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the-"

Dana scooped Jill up with the shovel and tossed her aside. Then the young girl used the shovel to cut the ropes holding Marcus. He broke free of the gnomes and got up, takes Dana's hand and they both ran to the golf cart.

* * *

It wasn't long before Dana and Marcus escaped the woods. "Hurry before they come after us!" Marcus said.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Dana replied "Did you see their little legs? Those suckers are tiny!"

**Okay, this is where you came in.**

As if on cue, the gnomes appeared, now in the form of a giant monster. Upon seeing it, Marcus gasped. "It's getting closer!"

One of the gnomes jumped out and landed on Dana. Marcus repeatedly punched the gnome off of Dana's face and the gnome fell off with Dana's hair tie, causing her hair to become loose. Thanks, Marcus," Dana said.

"Don't mention it," Marcus said. Suddenly, the gnome monster threw a tree in front of the cart. "Look out!" Marcus cried out.

Dana and Marcus crashed the golf cart in front of the Surprise Hut. Then they got out.

"Stay back!" Dana threatened. She threw the shovel at the gnome monster, but it smashed it.

"Why isn't Graunt Silvia helping us?" Marcus asked.

* * *

Speaking of Silvia, she was in the Hut, still in the middle of her tour. "Behold! The Dom Pedro!" she said. "It's the world's largest cut and polished aquamarine."

* * *

"It's the end of the line, kids!" Jill said.

"There's gotta be a way out of this!" Dana said.

Marcus took a deep breath. "I gotta do it," he said.

"What?" Dana asked. "Marcus, don't do this! Are you crazy?"

"Trust me," Marcus said.

"What?" Dana asked again.

"Dana, just this once! Trust me!" Marcus said. Then he stepped forward. "All right, Jill. I'll marry you."

Jill got off the gnome monster and put a gold ring on Marcus' finger. "Now let's get back into the forest," the gnome leader said.

"I do believe I have to kiss the bride," Marcus recalled.

"Oh, right," Jill said. "Lay it on me!"

Suddenly, Marcus turned on a nearby leaf blower. "Hey, hey, wait a minute!" Jill exclaimed, getting sucked up. "Whoa, whoa! What's goin' on?!"

"That's for lying to me!" Marcus said. He increased the sucking power. "That's for breaking my heart! And this is for messing with my sister!" He looked over at Dana. "Wanna do the honors?"

"With pleasure," Dana said. She switched the leaf blower's setting to blow, ejecting Jill far away and destroying the gnome monster. Of course, then the twins scared off the remaining gnomes with the leaf blower.

"Hey, Dana," Marcus said, putting the leaf blower on the ground. "I, um...I'm sorry for ignoring your advice. You really were just looking out for me."

"Oh, don't be like that," Dana said, taking out a spare hair tie from her shorts pocket and using it to tie her hair back in a ponytail. "You saved our butts back there!"

"I guess I'm just sad that my first girlfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes," Marcus said.

"Look on the bright side," Dana said. "Maybe the next one will be a gamma girl!"

"Oh, you're just saying that!" Marcus said.

"Awkward sibling hug?" Dana asked.

Marcus smiled. "Awkward sibling hug."

The twins embraced one another. "Pat pat," they said at the same time, patting each other on the back twice.

* * *

In the Surprise Hut, Silvia just finished her tour. Dana and Marcus entered. "Oh, there you two are," Silvia said. "I got something for each of you." She took out two identical boxes.

"Really?" Marcus asked.

"What's the catch?" Dana asked.

"There's no catch," Silvia explained. "Think of it as my way of saying welcome to your summer home." Then she gave each of the twins a box.

Dana opened her box. She didn't look happy with what she saw. "A hat?" she asked, taking out a blue and white pine tree hat. "It's nice, but I'm not exactly a hat person..."

"Just try it on," Silvia said, smiling.

Dana put on the hat and checked her reflection in a nearby mirror. She smiled. "On second thought, this does go with my eyes," she said, adjusting her ponytail.

Marcus opened his box. "No way!" he exclaimed, taking out a grappling hook. "I always wanted one of these! Thanks, Graunt Silvia!"

"Aw, anything for my sweet young great-nephew," Silvia replied.

* * *

That night, Dana and Marcus were in their room. Marcus already had his grappling hook on the shelf next to his Pony stuff. While he was working on another medallion, Dana was writing in the book.

**Finally back safe and sound from one of the weirdest days at Gravity Falls. This journal told me there was no one in Gravity Falls I could trust, but when you battle a hundred gnomes side-by-side-with someone, you realize that they've probably always got your back.**

Dana stopped writing for a moment and looked over at Marcus, who just finished making a Pony medallion. She let out a content sigh as she finished writing in the book.

**Our aunt told us there was nothing strange about this town. But who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked.**


	2. The Legend of the Gobblewonker

One morning, Dana and Marcus were sitting at the kitchen table. Dana was still wearing the hat Graunt Silvia gave her two weeks ago, and Marcus wore a Lemon Hearts medallion.

"Are you ready for the ultimate challenge?" Marcus asked, holding up a bottle of syrup.

"I'm always ready!" Dana answered, holding up a second bottle of syrup.

"Then you know what this means!" Marcus said.

"Syrup race!" the twins said in unison. They stuck out their tongues and held the bottles upside down.

"Go, Sir Syrup!" Marcus said.

"Go, Mountie Man!" Dana said.

Eventually, Marcus was the first to get syrup on his tongue. He didn't even had to tap the bottle. So as he celebrated his victory, Dana looked at the latest issue of Artists Daily Magazine.

"No way!" the girl twin said. "Hey Marcus, check this out." She showed him an article.

"A life-size Cadance doll?" Marcus asked. He gasped. "She's my favorite Alicorn princess!"

"No, Marcus," Dana said. "This." She pointed to a mythical creature drawing contest. "We see weirder stuff than that every day! You didn't get any photos of those gnomes for me to copy, did you?"

"Nope, just memories," Marcus said.

Silvia entered. "Good morning, my favorite great-niece and great-nephew," she said. "You two know what day it is?"

"Um... Happy anniversary?" Dana guessed.

"Mazel tov!" Marcus blurted out.

"It's Family Fun Day!" Silvia explained, smiling. "We're closing the Surprise Hut for today and spending time as a family."

"Graunt Silvia, is this gonna be anything like the last family bonding day?" Dana asked, recalling what happened a week ago.

**Flashback**

_In a dark room, Dana and Marcus were drilling tiny holes into dimes and putting them on earring hooks. "Nice work," Silvia said. "We keep this up, and I'll have a new section for the shop in no time!"_

_Suddenly, police sirens were heard from outside. "Uh oh..." Silvia muttered._

**End Flashback**

Marcus shuddered at the memory. "The county jail was so cold."

"So maybe I haven't been the best summer caretaker," Silvia said. "But today we're gonna have some real family fun! Now who wants to get into my car and put on some Fun-Folds?"

"Wait, what?" Dana asked.

* * *

And so, Silvia drove her car near the forest with Dana and Marcus blindfolded in the backseat. Silvia leaned down to adjust the radio and the tires screeched.

"Blindfolds never lead to anything good," Dana said.

"Not blindfolds," Silvia corrected. "Fun-Folds. Guaranteed to be more fun than regular blindfolds."

"Wow, I feel like all my other senses are heightened!" Marcus commented. "I can see with my fingers!"

The road started to get bumpy. "Graunt Silvia, are you wearing a 'Fun-Fold'?" Dana asked.

"Of course not," Silvia answered. "But with these cataracts I might as well be!" Then she drove through a wooden guardrail.

* * *

Eventually, Silvia arrived at a lake. Dana and Marcus, still blindfolded, were standing in front of the parked car.

"Okay, you two," Silvia said. "Take off those Fun-Folds!"

Dana and Marcus took off their blindfolds. Silvia was wearing a white long-sleeved shirt, khaki jeans, and cream colored boots. She was standing underneath a large banner announcing the opening of fishing season. "Ta-da!" she said. "It's fishing season!"

"Fishing?" Marcus asked.

"What are you playing at?" Dana asked.

"You're gonna love it!" Silvia said. "The whole town's out here! Even Manly Dan brought along his three sons."

"Graunt Silvia, why do you wanna bond with us all of a sudden?" Dana asked.

"Oh, lighten up, little miss downer," Silvia told Dana. "This is gonna be great! I've never had fishing buddies before. I never wanted to go with the guys and girls from the lodge. They weren't my cup of tea."

"Sis, I think she actually wants to fish with us," Marcus told Dana.

"I know what'll cheer you sad sacks up!" Silvia said. Then she each gave Dana and Marcus a fishing hat. "I even hand-stitched your names on the front." Silvia continued. "It's just gonna be you, me, and those goofy hats on a boat for ten hours!"

"Ten hours?!" Dana repeated.

"I even brought the joke book to kill some time," Silvia said, holding a small book.

Dana forcefully smiled. "Great," she said. "Can't wait to hear them."

"There has to be a way out of this," Marcus whispered to Dana.

"I've seen it! I've seen it again!"

That voice came from Old Woman McGucket, the local town kook. She had long white hair and there was a small cast on her right arm. She wore an old brown hat and brown overalls with a beige t-shirt underneath. Around her feet, she wore white bandages. She was missing many teeth and she had one gold tooth. "The Gravity Falls Gobblewonker!" she exclaimed. "Come quick before it scrapdoodles away!"

The lake ranger showed up. "What did I tell you about scaring my customers?" he asked. "This is your last warning!"

"But I've got proof this time, by guppity!" Old Woman McGucket said. She pointed to a boat that appeared to have a bite mark in it. "Behold! It's the Gobble-dy-wonker what done did it! It had a long neck like a gee-raffe! And wrinkly skin like a dried up plum! It chawed my boat up to smitheroons, and shim-shammed over to Scuttlebutt Island! Ya gotta believe me!"

"Attention all units!" a woman cop said. "We got ourselves a crazy old woman!"

Some of the locals laughed at Old Woman McGucket. "Aww, donkey spittle!" she complained, walking off.

"Oh well," Silvia said with a shrug. "Now let's untie this boat and get out on that lake!" She stepped into her rowboat and starts untying it from the dock.

"Marcus, did you hear what that woman said?" Dana asked.

"Something about a donkey," Marcus replied.

"That other thing!" Dana said. "About the monster! If I can sketch a picture of it, we can split the prize fifty-fifty!"

"But you don't have your sketching stuff on you," Marcus noticed.

"Guess again," Dana said. She pulled out a plastic handbag. "I always bring an emergency travel kit in case I get bored," she explained. "It includes a small notepad, three pencils, a fresh pink eraser, and a working pencil sharpener. Plus the bag is guaranteed to survive ANY weather hazard."

"Nice," Marcus commented, impressed with Dana's way of thinking. "We'll win that contest for sure!"

"Just imagine what you could do with five hundred dollars," Dana said.

**Fantasy Sequence**

_Marcus was at the Surprise Hut standing next to a life-size doll of Princess Cadance. He hugged it. "Oh Cadance," he said. "I don't care that most guys think you're a Mary Sue. You're perfect just the way you are, love spells and all." He gave the doll a quick kiss on the lips. "You'll always be my favorite princess."_

**End Fantasy Sequence**

Back in reality, Marcus was still thinking about the doll. "Hello?" Dana asked. "Earth to Marcus! You still here?"

Marcus snapped out of it. "Dana, I am one hundred percent on board with this!" he said.

"Graunt Silvia, change of plans," Dana said. "We're taking that boat to Scuttlebutt Island, and we are gonna find that Gobblewonker!"

"Monster hunt! Monster hunt!" Dana and Marcus chanted.

As if on cue, Salls pulled up to the dock in a big boat, the S.S. Sassy Gal. "You two say somethin' about a monster hunt?" she asked.

"Salls!" Marcus exclaimed.

"Wassup, hambone!" Salls replied. Then she and Marcus fist bumped and made explosion noises. "You can totally use my boat for your hunt," the older girl said. "It's got a steering wheel, chairs, normal boat stuff."

"All right, all right, let's think this through," Silvia said. "You could go waste your time on some monster thing, or you could spend the day learning how to tie knots and skewer worms with your favorite aunt!"

The twins looked at Salls in her cool boat. She did a robot dance. They looked back at Silvia in her old boat. She smiled and held up her joke book. They looked at Scuttlebutt Island in the distance, and grinned at each other.

"So, what do you say?" Silvia asked.

The twins drove off with Salls in her boat towards Scuttlebutt Island, leaving Silvia behind. "Sorry Graunt Silvia!" Dana called out. "Really, I am!"

* * *

While Silvia was feeling bad about being left alone, the S.S. Sassy Gal headed for the island. "Hoist the anchor!" Dana commanded. "Raise the flag!"

"We're gonna find that Gobblewonker!" Marcus said.

"We're gonna win that picture contest!" Dana agreed.

"Do either of you have sunscreen?" Salls asked.

"We're gonna...go get sunscreen!" Dana said. Then the boat did a U-turn away from the island.

* * *

Once Dana and Marcus got sunscreen, the boat was back on course. At the moment, Dana paced on the boat in front of Marcis and Salls. "All right!" the younger girl said. "If we wanna win this contest, we gotta do it right! Think. What's the number one problem with most monster hunts?"

"If you're a side character, you die within the first five minutes of the hunt," Salls said. She paused. "Wait, am I a side character? Do you ever think about stuff like that?"

"No, it's not that," Dana said. "And don't worry, Salls. You're not a side character. The number one problem is camera trouble!"

"Why?" Marcus asked. "You brought your artists kit."

"Yeah, but the paper isn't waterproof," Dana explained. "And it takes a while for me to set up. Taking pictures is quicker, and I can always sketch a copy of it afterwards. That's why I bought seventeen disposable cameras! Two strapped to my ankle, three taped to my life vest, four for each of you, three extras in this bag, and one under my hat! There's no way we're gonna miss this."

"So what's the plan?" Marcus asked.

"You'll be lookout, Salls can work the steering wheel, and I'll be captain," Dana said.

"What?" Marcus asked. "Why do you get to be captain? What about your twin brother, huh?"

"You can be co-captain," Dana said, hoping it was a good compromise.

"Can I be associate co-captain?" Salls asked.

"As co-captain, I authorize that request," Marcus said.

"Well, as first co-captain," Dana said. "Our number one order of business is to lure the monster out with this." She gestured at a barrel labeled 'Fish Food'.

"Permission to taste some?" Salls asked.

"Granted," Dana said.

"Permission co-granted," Marcus said.

"Permission associate co-granted," Salls said, then she picked up a giant fish flake and licks it. She sputtered and coughed, scraping at her tongue with her hands. Then she and the twins laugh (although Dana's laugh was more of a giggle).

While that was going on, Silvia saw them from afar. She sighed miserably and went back to fishing.

* * *

It wasn't long before the S.S. Sassy Gal approached Scuttlebutt Island. There was fog everywhere. Salls was at the back of the boat shoveling fish food over the side. Dana and Marcus were at the front. Dana was trying to see through the fog while Marcus was talking to a pelican.

"How's it going?" Marcus asked.

"Marcus, leave that thing alone," Dana said.

"Oh, it doesn't mind at all," Marcus said.

"Aren't you supposed to be doing lookout?" Dana asked.

"Oh right," Marcus said. "I'm on it."

Suddenly, the boat jolted to a sudden stop. It's crashed into the shore of the island. "See?" Marcus asked. "We're here! I'm a lookout genius! Cadance doll, here we come!"

* * *

The trio disembarked and ventured into the foggy woods. Dana was in the lead and carrying a lantern. Soon they came to a large sign nailed to a tree that read 'Scuttlebutt Island'. Salls and Marcus stopped in front of it.

"Hey Marcus, check it out," Salls said. She covered part of the sign with her arm. "Butt Island."

Marcus chuckled. "Oh Salls, you rapscallion!" He walked up to Dana. "Why aren't you laughing?" he asked. "Are you scared?"

"Yeah, right!" Dana lied. "I'm not-"

Marcus poked Dana on the nose. "Yeah, you are!"

Dana sighed. "Okay, I'm a teensy bit scared," she said. "I never really went on a real monster hunt before, and I don't know what to expect."

As if on cue, a growling noise was heard the distance. Marcus and Dana looked around. Salls came up to them. "Did you guys hear that?" the older girl said.

"What was that?" Marcus asked. "Was it your stomach?"

"Nah, my stomach normally sounds like whale noises," Salls answered.

Suddenly, a possum jumped up, snatched Dana's lantern in its mouth, and disappeared in the fog. "Our lantern!" Dana exclaimed. "Now I can't see anything!"

"I dunno, Dana," Salls said. "Maybe this, uh... Maybe this isn't worth it."

"Not worth it?!" Dana repeated. "Guys, imagine what would happen if we won the contest!"

**Fantasy Sequence**

_Dana was being interviewed on a talk show. She was wearing a red t-shirt, a dark grey hoodie, black skinny jeans, and purple sneakers. She also had sunglasses covering her eyes._

_"Tonight we're here with adventure seeker Dana Pines, who bravely sketched the elusive Gobblewonker!" the host said. "Tell me, Dana. What's the secret to your success?"_

_"Well, I run away from nothing," Dana answered. "Nothing, except for when I ran away from my sweet but boring Graunt Silvia to pursue that lake monster."_

_"How right you were to do so," the host said. "I don't often do this, but I feel the need to give you an award!"_

_The host put a medal around Dana's neck and they smiled for photos._

**End Fantasy Sequence**

Dana was grinning about her little fantasy. "You were imagining yourself wearing the same outfit the keytarist from 30 Seconds to Math wears, weren't you?" Marcus asked.

"How did you know?" Dana asked.

"We're twins," Marcus explained. "I know you have a certain daydreaming expression when you have those fantasies."

* * *

Later, the trio was still wandering through the foggy woods. Salls was making beatbox noises and Marcus rapped along with her.

_The name is Marcus  
My t-shirt's pink  
My sister is a tomboy  
And I like Ponies_

"We should be writing this down," Salls said.

"Guys, guys, guys!" Dana said, holding up a camera. "You hear something?"

The growling noise from earlier was heard again. A flock of birds flew overhead, away from the sound.

"This is it! This is it!" Dana squealed.

The twins grinned and nudged each other. Salls, looking serious, adjusted her hat and picked up a sharp stick. They followed the path through the fog until they came to a shoreline. A large silhouette shaped like a lake monster was sitting in the water. The trio hid behind a log for cover.

"Get your cameras ready," Dana whispered.

Dana, Salls, and Marcus each had a camera in hand. When Dana gave the signal, Salls yelled and jumped over the log, holding her camera in front of her as she ran towards the monster, snapping photos at random. The twins followed her. But when they got close, the monster turned out to be just the remains of a wrecked boat with beavers living on it. However, this didn't stop Salls from happily taking photos of the beavers. Dana and Marcus were confused.

"But...But what was that noise, then?" Dana asked. "I heard a monster noise!"

The monster noise was heard again. It turned out to be a beaver playing with a rusty old chainsaw. "Sweet!" Salls said. "Beaver with a chainsaw!" She took photos of it.

"Maybe that old woman was crazy after all," Dana said.

"She did use the word 'scrapdoodle'," Marcus agreed.

Dana sighed and sat on a nearby rock. "What are we gonna say to Graunt Silvia?" she asked. "We ditched her over nothing." She glanced at Marcus and Salls, who looked worried. "What's wrong with you guys?"

"Dana..." Marcus said.

Dana got on her feet. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

A low growl was heard. Dana turned around, only to see a huge sea creature right behind her.

"Run!" Salls yelped, dragging Dana away with Marcus following them. "Get back to the boat! Hurry!"

"What about the picture?" Dana asked.

"If it makes you feel any better, I got tons of pictures of those beavers!" Salls said.

"Why would that make me feel better?!" Dana exclaimed.

Luckily, the trio got back to the S.S. Sassy Gal. "Let's get outta here!" Salls said. She started the boat and it sped off.

"Slow down!" Dana said, holding up a camera. "I can't get a clear shot!"

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the fishing area, Silvia was struggling to tie a knot. She stopped when she noticed a man fishing with his two children, a boy and a girl.

"Can you please tell me more funny stories, pop-pop?" the boy asked.

"Anything for my fishing buddies!" the man replied.

Silvia sighed.

"Pop-pop, I just realized that...I love you," the boy said.

"Oh, you kids!" Silvia called out. "If only every child was like you!"

"What's the big idea?" the man asked.

"Maybe she has no one who loves her, pop-pop," the boy said.

Silvia went to another area on the lake, still feeling miserable. As soon as she did, the S.S. Sassy Gal zoomed by, accidentally disrupting the other fishers.

"Where do I go?!" Marcus asked, trying to drive the boat since Salls was throwing stone at the monster.

Dana took out her book. "Go into the falls!" she ordered. "I think there might be a cave behind there!"

"Might be?!" Marcus asked.

* * *

Upon Dana's instructions, the boat went through a cave behind the waterfall. They got out, only to see the Gobblewonker get stuck in the entrance.

"It's stuck!" Marcus said.

"Yes!" Dana cheered, taking out a camera.

"Dana, I don't think it's going anywhere," Marcus pointed out. "You can sketch it."

"Oh yeah," Dana said. Then she took out her artists kit and went to work.

"How is it?" Marcus asked once Dana was finished.

Dana inspected her handiwork. "I think it's my best picture yet!" she said.

But then, sparks came out of the Gobblewonker and it passed out. Then a door opened from the side and a familiar face emerged.

"Aww, banjo polish!" Old Woman McGucket complained.

"You?!" Dana asked. "You made this?! Why?"

"Well, I...I, uh...I just wanted attention," Old Woman McGucket explained. "Ya see, when you get to be an old gal like me, nobody pays any attention to you anymore. My own son hasn't visited me in months! So I figured maybe I'd catch his fancy with a fifteen ton aquatic robot! In retrospect, it seems a bit contrived. You just don't know the length us old-timers go through for a little quality time with our family."

Salls chuckled. "I guess the real lake monster is you two," she told the twins.

"So, did you ever talk to your son about how you felt?" Marcus asked.

"No, I got to work straight on the robot!" Old Woman McGucket said. "I made lots of robots in my day! Like when my husband left me and I created a homicidal pterodactyl-tron, or when my pal Enda didn't come to my retirement party and I constructed an eighty ton Shame Bot that exploded the entire downtown area! Well, time to get back to work on my death ray!" She went back in the robot.

"Well, so much for the picture contest," Dana said, looking at her picture.

"We still a ton of cameras," Marcus pointed out.

"What do you wanna do with it?" Dana asked.

* * *

Back on the lake, the S.S. Sassy Gall approached Silvia. "Oh hi, kids," she said. "What brings you here? I thought you two were off playing Candyland with Salls."

"Well, we spent all day trying to find a legendary dinosaur," Dana said.

"But we realized, only one we wanna hang out with is right here," Marcus said.

"So what do you say?" Dana asked. "Is there room in that boat for three more?"

Silvia smiled. "You kids ever seen me throw a hook with my eyes closed?"

"Five bucks says you can't do it!" Dana said.

"Five more bucks says you can't do it with your eyes closed, plus me singing at the top of my lungs!" Marcus said.

Silvia chuckled. "I like those odds!" she said.

And so, Dana, Marcus, Silvia, and Salls spent the rest of the day fishing. However, a large creature deep in the lake proved Old Woman McGucket wasn't so crazy after all...


	3. Headhunters

One afternoon, Dana and Marcus, who was wearing a Sugar Grape medallion, were watching a TV show.

**"I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir. My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident."**

**"I don't believe this was an accident. This man was murdered."**

**"What?!"**

Marcus gasped in shock. "That fake psychic is a genius!"

Dana shrugged. "It's easier to find clues when your dad taught you how to observe everything in a crime scene."

"Are you saying you could outwit Shawn Spencer?" Marcus asked.

"Marcus, I have very keen powers of observation," Dana said. "For example, just by smelling your breath, I can tell that you have been eating...a whole package of Tic Tacs?"

"They were so minty," Marcus explained.

Salls came into the room. "You'll never guess what I found!"

"Buried treasure!" Dana guessed.

Marcus chuckled. "Hey, I was gonna say that!"

* * *

Salls, Dana, and Marcus walked up to a door in the hallway. "So I was cleaning up, when I found this secret door hidden behind the wallpaper," Salls explained. "It's crazy, bonkers, and creepy." She opened the door, revealing several wax sculptures in the room.

"Whoa!" Dana said. "It's a secret wax museum."

"They're so lifelike," Marcus commented.

"Especially that one," Dana said.

That 'wax sculpture' was really Silvia. "Hello," she said. "I see you found this room."

"What is that place?" Marcus asked.

"Why it's the Gravity Falls Wax Museum!" Silvia explained. "It was one of our most popular attractions. I got 'em all! Including Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, and Larry King. He was always my favorite."

Dana shivered. "Is anyone else getting the creeps here?" she asked.

"And now for the most popular statue: Wax Abraham Lincoln," Silvia said. "It's right over-" She looked at the melted wax figure of Lincoln, which was melted by the light of the window above it. "Okay, who left the blinds open?" she asked. "Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking at your direction!" She bent down and looked at the wax. "How do you fix a wax figure?"

"Don't worry, Graunt Silvia," Marcus said. "I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax!"

"You really think you can make a wax figure?" Silvia asked.

"Well yeah," Marcus answered. "I'm an arts and crafts master. Why do think I make so many Pony medallions in my spare time?"

"I like your determination, dearest," Silvia said.

* * *

In the living room, Dana was drinking a can of soda and walking towards Marcus, who was planning on what wax sculpture he should make.

"Hey Dana," Marcus asked, showing her his picture. "What do you think of my wax figure idea?"

"What is THAT?" Dana asked.

"Oh right," Marcus said. "I forgot you're not into this kind of stuff. It's Princess Celestia!"

"Maybe you should carve something from real life," Dana suggested.

"Like a dragon with unicorn powers?" Marcus asked.

"Y-okay..." Dana said. "Or, you know, something else, like someone in your family."

"Dana! Marcus!" Silvia called out from the kitchen. "Have either of you seen my fez?"

Marcus grinned, suddenly getting an idea. "Oh, how muses work in mysterious ways," he told Dana.

And so, Marcus went to work on the wax sculpture. After mere minutes of carving and painting, he inspected his work. "I think it needs more glitter."

"Agreed," Salls said. She gave Marcus a bucket of glitter and he threw the glitter all over the wax sculpture.

Silvia entered. "I found my fez, but now I'm missing my cane." She noticed Marcus' creation.

"What do you think?" Marcus asked.

Silvia smiled. "I think the Wax Museum's back in buisness!" she said.

* * *

The next day, Salls lead people to see the grand opening of the Wax Museum. Dana was working in the stand with William. "I can't believe this many people showed up," the younger girl said.

"I know, right!" William said. "Your aunt probably bribed them or something."

"She bribed me," Dana said, holding up a dollar bill. William did the same thing and the two chuckled.

On the stage, Silvia began the ceremony. "You all know me!" she said. "Town's most generous woman and 'Ms. Mystery'."

Three elderly men in the audience cheered. "Please boys, control yourselves!" Silvia said. "Now as you know, I always bring the people of this fair town gemstones and sparkling stuff, the likes of which the world has never seen. But enough about me. Behold... the newest exhibit to the Wax Museum!" She uncovered Marcus' work, which was a wax replica of herself.

Salls made a fanfare sound in her keyboard, followed by a 'Ye-ah! Ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-ah!' sound. "And now a word from the one who constructed this masterpiece: my great-nephew, Marcus!" Silvia said, giving him the microphone.

"Thank you for coming!" Marcus said. "I made this sculpture with my own two hands! It's covered in my love, hope, determination, and other positive feelings! I will now take questions!"

Old Woman McGucket stood up. "Old Woman McGucket, local kook," she said. "Are the wax figures alive? And, follow-up question, can I survive the wax men uprising?"

"Um... Yes!" Marcus said. "Next question!"

A reporter stood up. "Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper," he said. "Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world?"

"You have a turkey baster for a microphone," Silvia said. "Next question."

A woman reporter stood up. "Shandra Jimenez, a real reporter," she said. "Your fliers promised free pizza with admission to this event. Is this true?"

Silvia was alarmed. "What?" she asked. "I don't remember putting it on the flyers!"

Salls looked nervous, knowing exactly what happened.

**Flashback**

_In the Surprise Hut, Salls photocopied the flyers advertising the Wax Museum. However, she was unaware that an expired pizza coupon accidentally fell on the original copy. She realized what happened once she was done._

**End Flashback**

"Calm down, everyone!" Silvia said. "I'll just order some pizza right now!"

But it didn't help. A guy with a pizza shirt sighed and headed off while the rest of the audience went chaotic and angrily walked away. One guy furiously punched a pole.

"I think that went well," Marcus said.

* * *

That night, Silvia was inspecting her wax replica. "At least we got a ton of money from the event," she said. "And I owe it all to one person: my great-nephew!"

"Thanks Graunt Silvia," Marcus said.

"Now you kids wash up," Silvia said. "We got another long day tomorrow."

* * *

Later that night, Dana and Marcus were in the bathroom brushing their teeth. They were already in their sleepwear. Dana's was a blue-green 30 Seconds to Math t-shirt and red shorts. Marcus' sleepwear was a white nightshirt with three light blue diamonds printed on the front.

"Dana, you wanna do a toothbrush race?" Marcus asked.

"Okay," Dana said with a shrug.

Suddenly, Silvia started screaming from downstairs.

* * *

Dana and Marcus ran downstairs. "Oh, Marcus!" Silvia exclaimed. "Your masterpiece has been...murdered!"

After a while, Silvia contacted Chief Blubs and Officer Durland, the local women cops. "I got up to clean my lucky dentures," the elderly woman explained. "And when I come back, blammo! It's headless!"

"My expert handcrafting besmirched," Marcus said. "Besmirched!"

"Who would do something like this?" Dana asked.

"What's your opinion, Chief Blubs?" Officer Durland asked.

"We'd love to help you, but let's face the facts," Chief Blubs said. "This case is unsolvable."

"What?!" Marcus asked.

"You take that back, Chief Blubs!" Silvia said.

"You're kidding, right?" Dana asked. "There must be evidence, motives. You know, I could help if you want."

"She's really good," Marcus said. "She figured out who was eating our tin cans!"

"All signs pointed to the goat," Dana recalled.

"Yeah, let my great-niece help," Silvia said. "She's got a little brain up in her head."

"Well would you look at what we got here!" Chief Blubs said. "City girl thinks she's gonna solve a mystery with her fancy computer phone!" She chuckled. "You are an adorable tomboy!"

"Tomboy?" Dana asked, clearly offended.

"Look, tough girl," Chief Blubs said. "How about you leave the investigating to the grown-ups, okay?" Then she and Officer Durland left the Surprise Hut.

"That's it!" Dana said. "Marcus, you and me are going to find the jerk who did this, and get back that head. Then we'll see who's a tomboy." Then she sneezed, causing Marcus twin to flinch. "Geez, you sneeze like an elephant!" he said.

* * *

The next day, Dana and Marcus were studying the crime scene. "Your wax figure has lost its head and it's up to us to find it," Dana said as Marcus was taking pictures. "There were a lot of unhappy customers at the unveiling. The murderer could have been anyone."

Marcus gasped. "Even us!"

Dana rolled her eyes as she skimmed through her book. "In this town, anything is possible," she said. "Ghosts, zombies... Could be months before we find our first clue."

"Hey, look! A clue," Marcus said, referring to footprints in carpet.

"Footprints in the shag carpet," Dana said.

"That's weird," Marcus said. "They've got a hole in them."

Dana looked at the footprints. "And they're leading to... an axe?" She looked at Marcus. "Maybe Salls can help us out."

"Uh, sis," Marcus said. "We're still in our sleepwear."

Dana looked at herself. Sure enough, Marcus was right. "New plan," she said. "We change clothes, then ask Salls."

* * *

Once Dana and Marcus were back in their everyday outfits (with Marcus wearing his Sugar Grape medallion), they showed Salls the axe. "So, what do you think?" Dana asked.

"In my opinion, this is an axe," Salls stated.

"Wait a minute," Marcus said. "The lumberjack!"

"Of course!" Dana said. "He was furious when he didn't get that free pizza."

"Furious enough, for MURDER!" Marcus agreed.

"Oh, you mean Manly Dan," Salls said. "Yeah, he hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown."

"Then that's where we're going," Marcus said.

"This is awesome," Salls said. "You two are like: The Mystery Twins!"

"Don't call us that," Dana said.

* * *

Outside the Surprise Hut, Dana and Marcus met up with Silvia, who was pulling a coffin out of her car. "Can you give me a hand with this coffin?" she asked. "I'm doing a memorial service for the wax statue."

"Sorry Graunt Silvia, but we have a big break in the case," Dana said. "We're heading to the town right now to interrogate the murderer."

"We have an axe!" Marcus said, showing Silvia the axe in Dana's bag. "Re, re, re!"

"That seems like the kind of thing that responsible parents wouldn't want you to do," Silvia said. "Good thing I'm an aunt."

* * *

In town, Dana and Marcus were sneaking near the Skull Fracture. "This looks like the place," Dana said. "Got the fake IDs?" Marcus gave Dana two cards. She looked at them. "Here goes nothing."

Meanwhile, a security guard looked at an ID. "Sorry, but we don't serve minors."

"Dang'nab it!" a miner complained, walking off in frustration.

Dana and Marcus walked up to the guard. "We're here to interrogate Manly Dan the lumberjack for the murder of wax Graunt Silvia," Marcus said. He and Dana show their fake ID cards, which looked poorly done.

"Works for me," the guard said. He opened the door for the twins.

* * *

Men were fighting inside the Skull Fracture. Dana and Marcus walked inside and looked around. "Alright, let's just try to blend in," Dana said.

"You got it, Stargirl," Marcus said. He sat on a chair and talked to a nearby man.

Meanwhile, Manly Dan was playing arm wrestling with a machine. Dana approached him. "Manly Dan, just the guy I wanted to see," she said. "Where were you last night?"

"Punching the clock," Manly Dan answered.

"You were at work," Dana concluded.

"No, I were punching that clock," Manly Dan explained. He pointed to a broken clock outside.

"Ten o'clock," Dana said. "The time of the murder. So, I guess you've never seen THIS before?" She showed Manly Dan the axe in her bag.

"Listen little girl!" Manly Dan said. "I wouldn't pick my teeth with that axe. It's left handed, and I only use my right hand."

* * *

And so, Dana and Marcus left the Skull Fracture. "It's a left handed axe," Dana explained, showing Marcus a list. "These are all our suspects. Manly Dan is right handed, that means all we have to do is find our left handed suspects and we got our killer."

"Oh man, we're on fire today!" Marcus exclaimed.

"Let's find that murderer," Dana said. Then they bumped fists with one another.

Dana and Marcus spent the next few minutes finding the left handed suspect by testing every of their suspects to see which of them were left handed (except for that one guy who had both of his arms in casts). Eventually...

"Marcus, there's only one person left on this list," Dana said.

"Of course!" Marcus said, looking at the list. "It all adds up!"

* * *

Officer Durland smashed a door open. "Nobody move!" Chief Blubs exclaimed. "This is a raid!"

Toby yelled in surprise. "What is this?" he asked. "Some kind of raid?"

"Toby Determined, you're under arrest for murder of the wax body of Graunt Silvia!" Dana said.

"You have the right to remain impressed of our awesome detective work," Marcus said.

"Goblin goose's feather!" Toby said. "I don't understand!"

"Then allow me to explain," Dana replied. "You were hoping that Graunt Silvia's new atraction could save your failing newspaper. But when the show went kaput, you decided to go out and make your own headline." Marcus showed Toby a Gossiper newspaper with picture of wax Silvia's head as Dana continued. "But you were sloppy, and all the clues pointed to a shabby shoe belonging to a reporter who was caught left handed."

"Toby Determined, you're yesterday news," Marcus said.

"You're at less must be sore for summing to conclusion," Toby said. "I have nothing to do with that murder."

"Um... Could you repeat that?" Marcus asked, puzzled.

"Then where were you at the night of the crime?" Chief Blubs asked.

In response, Toby showed the group a video that he was in his office making out with a cardboard version of Shandra. "Time state confirm," Chief Blubs said. "Toby, you're off the hook."

"But it has to be him!" Dana insisted. "Check the axe for extra fingerprints!"

Chief Blubs checked for fingerprints on the axe. "No prints at all."

"No prints?" Dana repeated. "How's that possible?!"

* * *

That night, Dana and Marcus attended wax Silvia's funeral. "Kids, Salls, lifeless wax figures, thank you all for coming," Silvia said. "Some people might say it's wrong for a woman to appreciate her great-nephew's masterpiece. Wax me, I hope you're selling jewels in wax heaven." She sighed. "I'm sorry, I need a moment to myself." Then she left the room with Salls following her for comfort.

Dana sighed. "Those cops are right about me."

"Dana, we've come so far," Marcus insisted. "We can't give up now."

Dana stood up and walked over to the coffin. "But I considered everything," she said. "The weapon, the motive, the clues..." She looked inside the coffin. "Hold on... Wax Graunt Silvia's shoe has a hole on it."

"All the wax statues do," Marcus explained. "They have that for the poles attached to their stands."

"Wait a minute," Dana said. "What has a hole on its shoe and no fingerprints?" An idea quickly formed in her mind. "Marcus! The murderers are-"

"Standing right behind you."

To the twins' surprise, the wax figures came to life. Dana gasped. "Wax Sherlock Holmes! Wax Shakespeare! Wax...Coolio?"

Lizzie Borden took her axe from Marcus. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" he yelped.

"Bravo, Dana Pines," Sherlock Holmes said. "You've discovered our little secret. He took wax Silvia's head out from his cape. "Applaud everyone." The wax figures applauded happily.

"But... how is this possible?" Dana asked. "You're made of wax!"

"Are you magic?" Marcus asked.

"No, dear boy," Sherlock Holmes said. "We're cursed! Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing! Your aunt bought us many years ago at a garage sale. And so, the Surprise Hut Wax Collection was born. By day, we would be the playthings of man."

"But when your aunt was asleep, we would rule the night," Coolio said.

"It was a charmed life for us curse beings," Sherlock Holmes continued. "That is, until your aunt closed up shop. We've been waiting ten years to get our revenge on Silvia for locking us away, but we got the wrong girl."

"So you were trying to murder Graunt Silvia?" Dana asked, realizing that if Marcus went with his original idea, Silvia would have been dead.

"Precisely," Sherlock said. "And now that you know our secret, you must die."

Dana and Marcus backed up against a table. "What do we do? What do we do?" Marcus asked.

"I don't know!" Dana replied. She and Marcus started throwing stuff at the wax figures. When Dana threw a cup of coffee, Genghis Khan slightly melted.

"Dana, that's it!" Marcus explained. "We can melt them with hot objects!"

Dana and Marcus each grabbed a lit candle. "Anyone move, and we'll melt you into candles!" Dana threatened.

"Decorative candles!" Marcus added.

"You really think you can defeat us?" Sherlock Holmes asked.

Dana tightly gripped her candle. "Yes."

"So be it," Sherlock Holmes said. "Attack!"

The wax figures attacked. Marcus tricked Lizzie Borden into beheading Robin Hood. Then he melted off Shakespeare's arms, but they choked him.

"Interview this, Larry King!" Dana said, beheading the wax figure. "Joke's on you, Groucho!" She sliced him in half. Genghis Khan ran towards her, but she tricked him into running into the fireplace. "Ha, Genghis Khan! You fell harder than the Khwarazmian Dynasty!"

* * *

While Marcus was using a basket tied to some string to fight off the remaining wax sculptures, Dana was outside the Surprise Hut, taking on Sherlock Holmes. She was now wielding a fire iron and they were fighting on the Hut's roof.

"Once your family is out of the way, we'll rule the night once again!" Sherlock Holmes said.

"Don't count on it!" Dana responded. "Besides, I hope you brought sunscreen."

"What?" Sherlock Holmes asked. Suddenly, he started to melt.

"You know, letting me lead you outside," Dana said. "Probably not your sharpest decision."

"Outsmarted by a girl?" Sherlock Holmes asked. "NO!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Marcus finished tossing what was left of the wax figures into the fireplace. "Dana, you're okay!" he said when his sister entered. "You solved the mystery after all."

"I couldn't have done it without my sidekick," Dana said.

"No offense, Dana," Marcus said. "But you're the sidekick."

"What, says who?" Dana asked. She briefly glanced at the reader. "Are people saying that?"

Silvia entered. "Hot Belgium waffles!" she exclaimed. "What happened here?"

"Your wax figures turned out to be evil, so we fought them to the death," Marcus answered.

"On the bright side, we found the wax statue's head," Dana said, holding up Wax Silvia's head.

Silvia approached her great-nephew and great-niece. "Nice work, you two," she said. "As a reward, how about I make some fresh apple pie?"

"Sounds delicious," Marcus said.

"So, did you get rid of all the wax figures?" Dana asked Marcus as they followed Silvia to the kitchen.

"I am one hundred percent sure that I did," Marcus said.

* * *

**A Few Days Later...**

Marcus was looking at two of his Pony medallions. "Hey Dana, which do you think is better?" he asked. "Amethyst Star or Fluttershy?"

"The yellow one. Its pink areas matches your shirt."

"Thanks Dana," Marcus said.

Dana looked up from her sketchbook. "What did you say, Marcus?" she asked.


	4. The Hand That Rocks the Marcus

One afternoon, Silvia was concluding yet another tour. "Thanks for coming," she said. "Don't forget to take a dollar coin as you leave!" She held up a small sack containing dollar coins for the tourists to get.

The crowd muttered several positive things about the dollar coin giveaway and Silvia's personality. She smiled sweetly as they left.

* * *

In the Surprise Hut, Dana, Marcus (who was wearing a Lily Blossom medallion), and Salls were watching television.

**Thaddeus and Thor will return after these messages.**

"Hey, look," Salls said. "It's that commercial I was telling you guys about."

The commercial Salls was talking about had upbeat violin music playing in the background and a perky Southern woman narrating.

**Are you completely miserable? Then you need to meet Jennifer. She's a psychic. So don't waste your time with other so-called women of mysteries. Learn about tomorrow tonight at Jennifer's Castle of Telepathy.**

"Wow," Marcus remarked. "I'm getting all curious inside."

"Well, don't get too curious," Silvia said, entering the room. "Ever since that Jennifer rolled into town, I've had nothing but trouble."

"Well, is she really psychic?" Marcus asked.

"I think we should go and find out," Dana said.

"Oh no, you don't!" Silvia exclaimed. "You're forbidden from patronizing the competition. No one that lives in my house is allowed in that Jennifer's house."

"Do castles even count as houses?" Dana asked.

"I think we just found our loophole," Marcus said with a smirk. In the background, the commercial came to an end.

**So come down soon, folks. Jennifer is expecting you.**

* * *

That night, a crowd entered the Castle of Telepathy. A large, slightly portly woman with short brown hair stood near the entrance, holding out a light blue sack. She was wearing a salmon, flower button up shirt, a straw hat, tan pants, and white shoes. Upon hearing her voice, one could tell she was narrating Jennifer's commercial. She was also wearing a nametag that read 'Bonnie', which was apparently her name.

"Step right up there, folks," Bonnie said. "Put your money in Jennifer's psychic sack."

The crowd muttered several positive things about the sack's credibility.

Inside the Castle of Telepathy, Dana, Marcus, and Salls took their seats. "Wow," Dana said. "This is like a bizarro version of the Surprise Hut. They even have their own Salls."

Dana pointed to a maintenance worker who looked very similar to Salls. The older girl glared at the lookalike.

"It's starting!" Marcus exclaimed. "It's starting!"

"Let's see what this psychic looks like," Dana said.

Curtains opened and a short, stout girl with white hair appeared on the stage. She had an upturned nose, blue eyes, and three freckles on each side of her cheek. She wore a cyan woman's suit, a cyan headband, a black shirt, and brown fancy shoes. She also wore a jade amulet, and there was a 'This Is 100% Derpy Approved' pin on her suit's collar.

"Hello America!" the girl said. "My name is Jennifer Gleeful." She clapped and doves flew out from the ceiling. The crowd cheered.

"That's Graunt Silvia's mortal enemy?" Dana asked.

"But she's so young," Marcus said.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is such a gift to have you here tonight," Jennifer said. "I have a vision. I predict that you will soon all say 'aw'." She silently counted to three and the crowd said 'aw'.

"It came true," Marcus said, amazed.

"What?" Dana asked. "I'm not impressed."

"You're impressed!" Marcus said.

"Hit it, ma!" Jennifer said. Then Bonnie started playing the piano.

_Oh I can see  
What others can't see  
It ain't some sideshow trick  
It's innate ability  
Where others are blind  
I am futurely inclined  
And you too could see  
If you were little old me_

"Come on, everybody, rise up!" Jennifer said as everyone in the audience stood up. "I want y'all to keep it going!"

"Wha-?" Dana asked. "How did she-?"

"Keep it going!" Jennifer said, then she resumed singing.

_You wish your son would call you more_

"I'm leaving everything to my cats!" an old woman called out.

_I sense that you've been here before_

"Oh, what gave it away?" Chief Blubs asked, decked out in Jennifer Gleeful merchandise.

"Come on," Dana muttered.

_I'll read your mind if I'm able  
Something tells me your name's Marcus_

"How'd she do that?" Marcus asked Dana.

_So welcome all ye  
To the Castle of Telepathy  
And thanks for visiting  
Little old me_

When the song came to an end, Jennifer was sweating and panting. The crowd cheered wildly. "Thank you!" she said. "You people are the real miracles!"

* * *

Outside the Castle of Telepathy, Dana and Marcus were discussing the performance. "Man, that kid's a huge fraud!" Dana said. "No wonder Graunt Silvia doesn't like her."

"Oh, come on," Marcus said. "Her dance moves were adorable!"

"You're too easily impressed," Dana said, rolling her eyes.

* * *

The next day, at the Surprise Hut, Marcus (who was wearing his Fluttershy medallion) approached Dana. "Check it out, Dana!" he said, holding out a plastic turtle ring. "I successfully made a Tank the Tortoise ring!"

"Seriously?" Dana asked.

"I really need to get more figurines," Marcus said.

The doorbell rang. "Someone get the door!" Silvia called out from off-screen.

Marcus went to get the door. He opened it up, but there was no one there. Marcus looked down and saw Jennifer standing at the doorway. "Howdy," she said.

"It's little old you!" Marcus commented.

"I know, my song's quite catchy," Jennifer said. "Now, I know we haven't formally met, but after yesterday's preformance, I just couldn't get the image of your face out of my head."

"You mean this one?" Marcus asked, pointing to his grinning face.

"Oh, what a delight!" Jennifer said. "When I saw that Pony necklace you were wearing, I said to myself, now there's kindered spirit! Someone who appreciates the Pony things in life." She gestured to her Derpy pin.

Marcus gasped. "No way!" he said. "That's an authentic Derpy pin!"

"Precisely," Jennifer replied. "She's my favorite background Pony. It's a shame so many people hated her after she spoke."

"Who's at the door?" Silvia asked.

"No one, Graunt Silvia," Marcus lied.

"I appreciate your discretion," Jennifer said. "Whaddya say we step away from here and chat a bit more? Perhaps in my dressing room."

"Sounds good to me," Marcus said.

* * *

Marcus couldn't believe what he saw. Jennifer's dressing room was filled with various Pony merchandise. "Do you see somethin' you like?" Jennifer asked.

"You have a lot of Pony stuff," Marcus said. "How did you get the mane right on the dolls?"

"I used the plastic combs," Jennifer explained. "It took me several weeks, but it was worth it."

"Lucky," Marcus said. "I can never seem to copy their manes. That's why I prefer turning my Blind Bag figurines into medallions."

"Which reminds me," Jennifer said. "How do you make those things?"

"I have a special drill," Marcus explained. "I use it to drill two tiny holes on the top of the Pony's head and I put it on a stainless steel chain."

"Guess we each have something to contribute to the fandom," Jennifer said.

* * *

Later that day, Marcus came back to the Surprise Hut. "Hey Dana," he said. "What's goin' on?"

Dana looked up from her book. "Whoa, where have you been?" she asked. "And where did you get that toy?"

"Oh, this?" Marcus asked. "Jennifer had an extra Derpy doll, so she gave it to me."

"Marcus, I don't trust anyone whose ego is bigger than their head," Dana said.

"Oh, leave her alone," Marcus said. "You're not into Ponies, and you and Salls get to do masculine-girlish stuff all the time."

"What do you mean?" Dana asked.

As if on cue, Salls entered the room. "Hey Dana, you ready to blow up these hotdogs in the microwave one-by-one?"

"Am I?" Dana gleefully replied. Then she picked up her book and followed Salls to the kitchen. Marcus could hear the two females having fun.

* * *

The next day, Marcus and Jennifer were sitting on the roof of a factory. "Whoa... The view from your family's factory is nuts!" Marcus commented. "Good thing we both brought our..."

"Pegasus binoculars!" the two friends said in unison, holding up identical light blue binoculars. They used them to look at the scenery.

"Marcus, when I'm up here lookin' down at all them little people, I feel like I'm Princess Luna," Jennifer said. "I guess that makes you Princess Celestia if she was a guy."

"What?" Marcus asked. "You're being so nice to me right now!"

"Course I am," Jennifer said. "I'm speakin' from the heart. Marcus, I've never felt this close with anyone. So, so close..."

Marcus immediate got what Jennifer was trying to say. "Look, Jennifer," he said. "You're a great girl and a cool Pegasister, but I only see you as a friend. We can still be Pony pals."

"Pony pals?" Jennifer repeated.

"Yeah," Marcus said. "Pals who like Ponies."

"Oh," Jennifer said. "Can we still hang out?"

"Well, of course," Marcus said. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with a guy and a girl doing things together."

"Marcus Pines, you have made me the happiest girl in the world!" Jennifer said. She cheerfully Brohoof'd with Marcus.

* * *

The next day, at the Surprise Hut, Dana and Marcus (who was wearing a Cherry Spices medallion) were playing a video game. "It's not a date," Marcus explained. "We're just two Pony pals hanging out."

"Marcus, girls don't work that way," Dana said. "She's gonna fall in love with you."

"Yeah right!" Marcus said. "I'm not THAT cute."

"Okay, we agree on something here," Dana said as Marcus beat her at the video game.

The doorbell rang. Marcus went over to the door and opened it. Jennifer was standing outside. "Ready when you are, Pony pal!" she said.

* * *

It wasn't long before Marcus and Jennifer arrived at a restaurant. They were sitting at a booth. "I've never seen so many forks," Marcus said. "And water with bubbles in it? How classy."

"This restaurant has always been my favorite," Jennifer said. "I feel like Rarity every time I come here."

"Yeah, she would definitely like this place," Marcus agreed.

* * *

Back at the Surprise Hut, Silvia just found out about Marcus' new friendship with Jennifer. "What's Marcus doing in the paper next to that crazy cheapskate Jennifer?"

"Oh yeah, it's like a big deal," William said. "Everybody's talking about Marcus and Jennifer's friendship."

"WHAT?!" Silvia exclaimed.

"I wonder what the new name will be for the power couple," Salls said. "Marifer? Jennicus?" She gasped. "Marjencusifer!"

"I didn't know!" Dana said. "I didn't hear about it! And plus, I told him not to!"

"Yeah, well it ends tonight," Silvia said. "I going right down to that girl's house. This is gonna stop right now!" She left the Surprise Hut, angrily closing the door behind her.

* * *

At the Gleeful household, Silvia knocked on the door. "Jennifer, you little witch!" she called out. "Open up!"

However, Bonnie opened the door. "Why, Silvia Pines!" she said. "What a delight!"

"Where's Jennifer?" Silvia asked.

"Well, I haven't seen the girl around," Bonnie said. "But since you're here, you simply must come in for tea. It's imported all the way from Columbia."

"Wow," Silvia said. "I went on vacation there once."

* * *

And so, the two women were in the living room, drinking tea and chatting. "Now, I hear your great-nephew and my daughter are getting along quite well," Bonnie said.

"Yeah, and I'm against it," Silvia said.

"Oh no," Bonnie said. "I see it as a fantastic business opportunity. The Surprise Hut and my own car company, the Fifth Wheel. We've been at each other's throats for far too long, yes we have. This is our big chance to brush aside our rivalry and pool our collective profits, you see."

"So?" Silvia asked.

"So, it'll help my family," Bonnie continued. "You see, my dearest husband was in a serious accident. He died on the day Jennifer was born."

"Oh, you poor thing," Silvia said. "If it means that much to you, I think we can work something out."

* * *

Back at the restaurant, Marcus and Jennifer finished their meal. Right now, they were talking about Ponies. "I think they should just make her a princess," Jennifer said. "After all, her brother became part of a royal family through marriage in the last episode."

"I don't know," Marcus said with a shrug. "It might ruin the show's dynamic. What I really want to see is Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo finally getting their Cutie Marks."

"Maybe we should continue some other time," Jennifer suggested. "Like say...this Thursday?"

"What's so special about Thursday?" Marcus asked in response.

"There's a dance that night," Jennifer explained. "I heard it's just as crazy as Pinkie Pie's parties."

"Oh really?" Marcus asked, intrigued.

* * *

Back at the Surprise Hut, Dana looked up from her book and saw Marcus coming back. "Hey, how'd it go?" she asked.

"Oh, I don't know," Marcus said, smiling.

"Well, at least it's all over and you won't see her again," Dana said.

Marcus was silent. "Bro, it's over, right?" Dana asked. "Marcus?"

"Nope!" Marcus cheerfully said. "We're still Pony pals."

"Dude, it's easy to say 'no'," Dana said.

"It's not that easy, Dana," Marcus explained. "I do like Jennifer as a Pony pal. She's the first person I met who knows what it's like to be part of a popular culture."

* * *

Eventually, Thursday night came. After the party, Marcus (who was wearing a Rarity medallion) and Jennifer were out on a boat. "You know, I thought dancing was going to be the end of the evening," Marcus said.

"Don't you want this evening to last, Marcus?" Jennifer asked.

"Well yeah," Marcus answered. "I'm always happy to hang out with a Pony pal."

* * *

When Marcus got back home, he was incredibly happy, even more so than usual. "What in the heck happened during that party?" Dana asked.

"Oh, nothing special," Marcus said. "I'm just really happy to be friends with Jennifer."

"I hope Graunt Silvia is okay with this," Dana said.

As if on cue, Silvia entered the room. "Marcus, I'm so glad you became friends with Jennifer!"

"Wait, what?" Dana asked.

"It's all part of my long-term deal with her widowed mother, Bonnie," Silvia explained. "There's a lot of cash tied up in this thing. Plus I get to help her family."

While Marcus was happy with Silvia's partnership with Bonnie, Dana was getting very suspicious.

* * *

A few days later, Dana and Marcus (who was wearing a Rainbowshine medallion) were playing with Salls. "I'm so glad everything's great now that we're friends with the Gleefuls," Marcus said.

Then the phone rang. Dana went inside and answered it. "Yello?"

"Oh, hi Dana Pines," Jennifer said from the other line. "We need to talk. Meet me at 412 Gopher Road at 7pm tonight."

"Um, okay," Dana said.

* * *

That night, Dana arrived at the place, which happened to be the Gleeful family factory. "Hello?" she called out.

Jennifer stepped out of the shadows. "Hello friend," she said.

"Jennifer," Dana coldly responded.

"Dana Pines, how long have you and your brother been livin' in this town?" Jennifer asked. "A week? Two? Ya like it here? Enjoy the scenery?"

"What do you want from me?" Dana asked. "Is this about Marcus?"

"Oh no," Jennifer said. "Let's just say readin' minds isn't all I can do."

"But you're a fake," Dana recalled.

"Oh, tell me, Dana," Jennifer said. "Is this fake?" She snapped her fingers causing several boxes to levitate for a few seconds.

"H-How are you...?" Dana stammered.

"I'm a real psychic," Jennifer explained. "Nothing more than a girl with the ability to lift objects using brain powers."

"Why didn't you tell Marcus?" Dana asked.

"And freak him out?" Jennifer asked in response. "No way! Pinkie Promise me you won't tell anyone else, especially Marcus."

Dana was speechless. She was wondering if Jennifer was hiding some kind of secret, but was this it? Just the ability to levitate objects? It seemed harmless enough.

"Okay, Jennifer," Dana said. "I 'pinky promise' I won't tell anyone about your powers."

"Oh, thank you," Jennifer said. "This sure won't be the last you'll see of little old me!"

* * *

Dana returned to the Surprise Hut, still freaked out. "What the heck happened to you?" Silvia asked.

"I had a talk with Jennifer," Dana said, forcing a smile. "She's just as sweet as she claims to be."

"At least you can be sure the Gleefuls are as nice as their surname," Marcus said.

* * *

But at the Gleeful residence, Bonnie was in the living room reading a maroon book when Jennifer came home. "Welcome back, dearest," Bonnie said. "Did everything go as planned?"

"Yep," Jennifer answered. "You were right about Dana. I used a hidden remote and invisible string to make her think I really have psychic powers."

"That's a good girl," Bonnie said. "We can now move on to Phase Two of our plan."

"Yeah, about that," Jennifer said. "I'm actually starting to like that Marcus boy. He's such a sweetheart."

"Jennifer dear, focus on the plan," Bonnie said looking up from her book. "We pretend to be nice to the Pines and gain their trust."

"I know, but I gave Marcus my extra Derpy doll," Jennifer said. "I told you I was saving it for a special friend."

"Well, you did gain his trust," Bonnie said. "You've done enough for now, Jennifer. Now why don't you play with your dolls for a bit?"

"Of course, ma," Jennifer said.

Once Jennifer left the room, Bonnie picked up her wedding picture. "Our sweetie has grown up so nicely," she said, talking to the picture of her dead husband. "It's a shame you couldn't stick around to see her."

Bonnie took out a blood-stained knife as she continued. "But then again, all I needed was for you to help me conceive a child. That precious car lot of yours was a nice little bonus." She put the knife in her book as a bookmark. "Nothing personal, dear. It was all part of the plan."

Bonnie closed her book and put it on the table. On the cover was a hand with six fingers on it and the number 2.


	5. The Inconveniencing

The Surprise Hut was closed for the afternoon after another busy day. Dana was sitting on a stool, reading her book. "Marcus, do you believe in ghosts?"

"I believe your creativity can get carried away," Marcus (who was wearing his Sweetcream Scoops medallion) replied, spinning on top of a globe. Unimpressed, Dana used a pencil to stop the globe from spinning, causing Marcus to fall off.

Silvia entered the Hut. "Salls, William," she said.

Salls quickly ran up. "What's up, Ms. Pines?"

"I'm heading out," Silvia said. "You two are going to wash the bathrooms, right?"

"Yes miss!" Salls said.

"Absolutely not," William said honestly.

Silvia chuckled. "Stay out of trouble," she said. Then she closed the door behind her.

As soon as Silvia left, William approached a curtain. "Hey guys, what's this?" he asked, pushing the curtain aside and revealing a ladder. "Secret ladder to the roof?"

"I don't think Ms. Pines would like that," Salls said.

"Can we actually go up there?" Dana asked.

"Sure we can," William said. "Who's up for a little roof time?"

* * *

On the Hut's roof, William showed Dana and Marcus a little area that consisted of a beach chair, an umbrella, a cooler, and a bucket of pine cones. "Did you put all this stuff up here?" Dana asked.

"I may or may not sneak up here during work, all the time every day," William said. He picked up a pine cone and threw it, hitting a target board that was attached to a totem pole.

Dana and Marcus joined in on the fun, throwing pine cone after pine cone. They had fun even though they couldn't hit the target. One pine cone Dana threw hit a nearby car.

"Jackpot!" William said. "High five!" He held out his hand.

At that moment, Dana took a good look at William. She never noticed it before, but he looked kind of cute. His chin-length hair, his green eyes, his gentle and carefree smile...

"Don't leave me hanging."

Dana snapped out of it, slowing raising her hand to high-five William. At that moment, a car stopped by.

"Hey, it's my friends," William said. "You guys aren't gonna tell Silvia about this, are you?"

"Nope," Dana said, shaking her head.

"Thanks a bunch," William said. "See you 'round, dudes." He went back in the Hut to meet up with his friends.

"Later William!" Dana called out as the car drove off. She giggled nervously.

"Oh boy," Marcus said. "Somebody's in love!"

"Yeah right," Dana said. "I just think William's cool, okay? It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about him!"

* * *

That night, Dana had a hard time sleeping. After a few seconds, she crossed her legs, a nervous look appearing on her face. "Uh oh," she muttered.

* * *

The next day, Dana was observing William as he handled the cash register. She looked back at her notepad and appeared to be drawing a picture.

**I am pretending to draw something.**

She nodded in approval of what she wrote. That's when the clock chimed.

"Hey, look at that," William said. "Quittin' time. The gang's waitin' for me."

"Hey, wait!" Dana said, putting her notepad and pen in her shorts pocket. "Uh, maybe I could... Or, we could, come with you."

"I don't know," William said. "My friends are pretty intense. How old did you guys say you are?"

"We're thirteen," Dana lied. "So, technically teens."

"Alright," William said. "I like your moxie, kid. Let me get my stuff." He went to the Hut's break room.

"Since when are we thirteen?" Marcus asked. "Does it have to do with this year being a leap year?"

"Come on, Marcus," Dana said. "This is our chance to hang out with, you know, the cool kids! And William, and whatever..."

"I knew it!" Marcus said. "You see William the same way you see the skateboarder dude from that karate show we like watching on Sunday nights!"

Dana cringed and tightly crossed her legs while standing. "Thanks for reminding me!" she squeaked.

* * *

Outside, a group of teens were waiting near a minivan. Four of them were girls, and one of them was a guy.

One girl had long black hair, pale skin, and she appeared to have eyeliner on. She wore blue pants and a dark grey long-sleeved shirt with a picture of a red bleeding heart with a scar on it and stitches. At the moment, she was playing a theremin.

The second girl was heavyset with light skin and short brown hair. She wears a lime green t-shirt with a white bunny icon on the front, brown shorts, a black and gold watch, and brown and gray shoes.

The guy had light brown skin and purple hair with a blue highlight. He wore a purple and white shirt with purple jeans and black boots.

The third girl had long blonde hair, and a red shirt with a thumbs up on it. She had pale skin, and she also wore dark grey shorts and black sneakers.

The fourth girl had dark skin, long brown hair, and a dark aqua green headband. She wore a black shirt with a skull on it. She had many tattoos on her arms. Also, she wore earrings. In addition, she wore gray blackish pants with matching sneakers.

Dana, Marcus, and William approached the group. "Hey guys," William said. "These are my pals from work, Marcus and Dana."

"Check these out," Marcus said, pointing to his headphones. "Accessory headphones from Sony's new fashion line!"

"He's not much for first impressions," Dana said. "Unlike this girl!"

"Anywho..." William said. "This is Liz and Natalie, Tyler, Trisha, and the girl with the theremin is Becca. You can probably figure her out."

"Yeah, I'm the one who spray-painted the water tower," Becca said.

"Oh, you mean the big muffin," Dana said.

"Um, it's a giant explosion," Becca said.

As luck would have it, the water tower was nearby. Liz chuckled. "Kinda does look like a muffin."

"Let's hurry it up, guys," William said. "I got big plans for tonight."

* * *

As for Silvia, she was in the living room watching TV. She looked really happy for some reason.

**You're watching NBC. Stay tune for the 30 Rock: the Unaired Episodes marathon, staring Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan, Jane Krakowski, Jack McBrayer, Scott Adsit, Judah Friedlander, and Alec Baldwin.**

"Perfect timing," Silvia said, grinning. "Twelve whole hours of my favorite sitcom."

* * *

Meanwhile, Dana, Marcus, and the teens arrived at an old building. "There it is, fellas," William said. "The condemned Dusk 2 Dawn."

"Wh-Why did they shut it down?" Dana asked. "Health code violation?"

"Try murder," Natalie said.

"Someone died in there," Liz said. "The place has been haunted ever since."

"This town has such a colorful history," Marcus remarked.

"Are you guys serious?" Dana asked.

William chuckled. "Chill out, man," he said. "It's not as bad as it looks."

Soon, Marcus and the teens were able to climb over the fence. "Come on, Dana," William said.

"Just, uh, gotta get that foothole," Dana said.

"Dude, your brother did it," Becca said.

But Dana still didn't budge, so Liz had to help her. With everyone on the other side of the fence, Becca tried to open the door. "I think it's stuck."

"Let me take a crack at it," Dana said.

"Oh yeah," Becca said. "I can't get in, but I'm sure junior here's gonna break it down like She-Hulk."

"Come on, leave her alone," William said. "She's just a little kid."

Dana took action. She used a nearby dumpster to get to the store's roof, punched through a metal cover, and entered an air vent. "Take it easy, Dana," William called out.

"Who wants to bet she doesn't make it?" Becca asked. As if on cue, Dana successfully opened the door from the inside, impressing the other teens.

"Good call inviting this little maniac, William," Liz said.

"Your new name is Dr. Funtimes!" Natalie told Dana.

* * *

In the store, the group looked around. "Guys, check it out," William said. "You think these lights still work?" He flipped three switches, causing the power to surprisingly turn on.

"So, what are we gonna do now?" Dana asked.

"Anything we want," William answered.

And so, Dana and Marcus had fun with the teens. After a while, Marcus found a display of some kind of sugary snack. "Holy smokes!" he exclaimed. "Smile Dip! I thought this stuff was banned in America!"

"Maybe they had a good reason," Dana said.

A half hour later, William and Dana were sitting on a shelf. "Dana, this night is legendary," William said.

"Really?" Dana asked.

"Just look around," William said. "The girls are bonding, I've never even seen Tyler really happy for this long, and your brother seems to be going nuts for that Smile Dip."

_Marcus found himself in some kind of forest. After walking around for a while, he found a note attached to a tree. He picked it up and read it._

_**The future is in the past.**_

_As soon as he read the note, Marcus heard someone breathing. He slowly turned around and gasped. Standing right next to him was a creepy-looking person with no face. "Tnuargtsurtsidtsum," it said._

_"Wh-What are you talking about?" Marcus asked._

_The person gave Marcus another note. As he read it, green smoke appeared around him. "No," he said, getting scared. "Y-You're lying!"_

_"Ask me again when you see the tattoo," the person replied._

Marcus appeared to be eating an invisible sandwich, his jaw slowly moving up and down as his eyes were wide open.

"You know, Dana," William said. "I wasn't sure if you could hang with the crew at first, but you're surprisingly mature for your age."

"Yes," Dana replied. "Yes I am."

"Hey guys, we need more ice," Natalie called out.

"I'm on it," Dana said, getting back on the ground. But upon opening the freezer, she saw 'HELP ME' written in blood all over the freezer walls. She yelped, quickly closing the door.

"What was that?" Liz asked. "Thought I heard someone screaming back here."

"You freaking out, kid?" Natalie asked.

"No," Dana lied. "No I'm cool. Everything's cool."

"Then why are you sweating?" Becca asked.

Luckily, Dana found a distraction. "Hey look!" she said. "Dancy Pants Revolution! The game that tricks people into exercising!"

And so, Trisha enjoyed playing the game as the others watched her. "Wow," William said. "She's really good at this."

Dana giggled. "Yeah.." she said. "That's great..." She glanced at a nearby window and gasped. In the reflection, a tall boy with messy brown hair stood next to her. It looked like he was screaming for help, but no words came out of his mouth.

But when Dana check to see if the same boy was really next to her, she saw absolutely nothing. "I'll be right back," she told the teens.

And so, Dana ran over to a phone and dialed a number. "Come on, Graunt Silvia," she said. "Pick up!"

* * *

Back at the Surprise Hut, Silvia was happily enjoying the marathon.

**"Now, Hal, what time of day is it, lad?"**

**"I don't know any of my lines!"**

Silvia laughed as the audience booed. "Oh, that Tracy," she said. "Always goofing off!"

* * *

With no response from Silvia, Dana went over to Marcus. "Bro, I need your advice," she said. "We're hanging out in a haunted convenience store, I can't get a hold of Graunt Silvia, and if I kinda say anything about it to any of these guys, they'll just think I'm a scared little kid or something!"

Marcus whimpered.

"Marcus?" Dana asked.

_"No!" Marcus cried out. "This has to be a mistake!"_

_"It is indeed true, Marcus Pines," the person said. "You can never trust anyone, including her."_

_Marcus screamed as green smoke blinded him, his body already changing shape._

"Marcus!" Dana yelped. "How many of these did you eat?!"

"It's not true..." Marcus quietly said, clearly lost in his mind. "It can't be true..."

"Oh man," Dana said. "Oh man oh man oh man!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Becca was using a coin to scratch an old lottery card when she saw two outlines near the window. "Whoa guys," she said. "You might wanna see this."

The group approached the outlines. "Whoa," Liz said. "The rumors are true."

"Dude, I dare you to lie down in it," Becca said.

"Good idea," Liz said. "Go lie down in it, Natalie."

But before Natalie could do so, Dana stopped her. "Wait!" the younger girl said. "Maybe let's not do that."

"This girl's scared," Liz said.

"All I'm saying is, why tempt the fates?" Dana asked. "I mean, what if this place really is...haunted?"

"Just take it down a notch, buzzkill," Becca said.

"But I thought I was Dr. Funtimes," Dana said.

"Well you're acting like a buzzkill," Becca responded. "Right?" Liz, Natalie, and Tyler nodded.

"Yeah," William said in a dull tone. "Little bit."

"Status update," Tyler said, speaking as if he was texting. "Trapped in store with insane nine-year-old."

"I'm not a nine-year-old!" Dana protested. "I'm thirteen! TECHNICALLY A TEEN!"

Upon saying those words, the outlines glowed and the power went out. Tyler vanished, only to reappear inside a television screen.

"Tyler!" William called out. "Tyler!"

"Can you hear us?" Dana asked.

No response.

"What are we supposed to do?" Natalie asked.

"I don't know!" Liz replied. "I DON'T KNOW!"

"Let's just go already!" Becca said.

"Trisha!" William said.

"Wait," Trisha said, still playing the game. "I almost got the high score." But then she was transported into the game, where she was poked by colorful arrows.

"Forget her," Becca told the others. "Let's go!"

But the doors were suddenly closed. William tried to open them. "What the-? Guys, it's locked!"

"Outta my way!" Becca said. She attempted to break the doors open with the cash register, but it disappeared.

"Everybody, wait!" Dana said, taking out her book. "Whatever is doing this has to have some kind of reason. Maybe if we can just figure out what it is, then they'll let us out of here."

"Yeah, that makes a lot of sense," Becca said with an eye-roll.

"I don't know guys," William said. "Maybe she's got a point."

"Yeah right," Liz said. "I'm sure the ghost just want to talk about his feelings." Then she was transported onto a cereal box cover, where she was attacked by a cartoon toucan.

"Okay okay," Natalie said. "I'm with you, kid. One hundred percent, man."

Suddenly, the walls started to glow. "WELCOME TO YOUR HOMES FOR ALL ETERNITY," a low voice echoed.

"Just let us out of here already!" Natalie cried out. Then she and Becca vanished. While Natalie was transformed into a hot dog, Becca was nowhere to be seen. All that was left was her theremin.

Dana approached the theremin and played a few note. However, the sound that came out was different.

_Where am I?  
Why is ev-er-y-thing so dark?_

Suddenly, the store was turned upside down and objects started flying around. Luckily, Dana and William hid in an empty soda machine.

"What do they want from us?" William asked.

"Revenge, I guess?" Dana questioned.

"What did we do wrong?" William asked.

"Okay, let's try to figure out the pattern here," Dana said. "Why was each person taken? Tyler was speaking in text, Trisha was playing a video game, Liz was being sarcastic, and Natalie and Becca were freaking out while jumping to conclusions. It doesn't make any sense!"

"Yeah," William agreed. "I mean, those are all normal teenage things."

Dana got an idea. "Of course!" she said. "Stay here until I get back."

And so, Dana left the empty soda machine. "Hey ghost!" she said, looking around. "I've got something to tell you!" She took a deep breath. "I'M NOT A TEENAGER!"

The objects that were flying around suddenly dropped. To Dana's surprise, two elderly ghosts appeared, one male and one female. The male ghost chuckled. "Well why didn't you say so?" he asked. "How old did you say you were?"

"I'm twelve," Dana answered. "Technically not a teen."

"When we were alive, teenagers were a scourge on our store," the female ghost said.

"Always sassafrassin' customers with their boomie-boxes and disrespectful short pants," the male ghost said. "So we decided to up and ban them, but they retaliated with this new-fangled rap music."

"The lyrics, they were so...hateful," the female ghost said. "It was so shocking, we were stricken down with double heart attacks. That's why we hate teenagers so much."

"But, they're my friends," Dana said. "Isn't there anything I can do to help them?"

"There is one thing," the male ghost answered. "Do you know any funny little dances?"

"Oh yeah," Dana said, relieved she didn't have to do anything painful. "I used to do this cute little lamb dance when I was younger. I haven't done it in a long time, but sure I'll perform it." She cleared her throat and began her routine.

_Well...  
Who wants a lamby lamby lamby  
I do, I do  
So go up and greet your mammy mammy mammy  
Hi there, hi there  
So march march march around the daisies  
Don't don't don't you forget about the baby_

"That was some fine girly dancing, young lady," the male ghost said. "You're friends are free."

In a flash of green light, everything was back to normal. "What happened after everything went crazy?" Liz asked.

"You are not going to believe it!" William said. "The ghost appeared, and Dana just grabbed a bat started beating them down! And then, the ghosts got all scared and ran away like a couple of little girls. It was insane."

Suddenly, the same boy Dana saw earlier appeared. "I'm free!" he cried out. "I'm finally free!"

"Who are you?" Becca asked, attracted to him.

"Name's Spencer," the boy said. "Spencer Wright. I brought my sister here last week, but then things started acting strange. The next thing I knew, I was trapped in the glass reflections! If you guys didn't come here, I probably would have been stuck in there for a really long time."

* * *

Outside the store, everyone got in Trisha's car. Well, except for Becca. She agreed to help Spencer get back to his home.

"Well, that was a crazy night," William told Dana. "Next time we hang out, we'll stay at the Surprise Hut. Okay?"

Dana giggled. "Next time?" she repeated. "Yeah! Yeah, let's hang out at the Hut."

As the car drove off, Dana noticed Marcus looked terrified. "You alright, bro?" she asked, reaching for his shoulder.

Suddenly, Marcus grabbed Dana's wrist and looked at her straight in the eye. "Must distrust Graunt," he said in a low voice.

"Wha-?" Dana asked.

"That's what the plain-faced man said," Marcus whispered.

* * *

Back at the Surprise Hut, Silvia was watching the last episode of the marathon. "Ah, the wedding between Kenneth and Hazel," she said. "I've waited so long for this. The custodian worker is finally marrying the page- Jenna Maroney?! What's she doing here?!"

**"I love you Kenneth! Marry me instead of this woman!"**

"But you had your chance during the 100th special!" Silvia pointed out.

**"It's too late for that, Jenna. You had your chance during the recording of the 100th episode!"**

"That's what I'm saying!" Silvia said, agreeing with what Tracy said. Suddenly, she heard a knock at the door. "Oh great," she muttered.

* * *

Dana carried Marcus, who was still terrified, in her arms. "It's okay Marcus," she said. "There's no such thing as a plain-faced man."

CRASH!

Marcus yelped as he flinched. Dana noticed Silvia threw the TV out the window. "Uh, Graunt Silvia..." Dana said.

"Sorry about that," Silvia said. "The screen's broken."


	6. Dana vs Girlishness

**Long ago, on a small blue planet called Earth, there was a twelve-year-old girl who lived in a jewelry shop. She had many friends, she was very powerful, and very brave. And although she never thought much of it, she was also very beautiful. Her life seemed entirely perfect. Until one day...**

The Surprise Hut couldn't close for the day. The reason? A woman biker was still shopping. "I like to get my Christmas shopping done early," she said. "Do you have anything that's in the spirit of the season?"

"How about these crystals?" Silvia asked, starting to get impatient.

"Looks like broken glass," the woman biker said.

"No, they're genuine crystals," Silvia insisted. "I can never tell a single lie."

The woman biker looked at the crystals. "I'll think about it," she said before walking over to another display.

Dana and Marcus (who was wearing a Rainbow Dash medallion) entered. "Graunt Silvia, can we go to the diner?" Marcus asked. "We're huuungry."

"Huuuungry," Dana chimed in. Then she and Marcus hit their stomachs against each other for emphasis.

"Oh, I would love to," Silvia said. "But I have to wait for this customer to make up her mind."

"Do you have this in another color?" the woman biker asked, holding up a jewel-encrusted journal.

"I'm fine leaving Salls in charge if you are," Silvia said, in which Dana and Marcus nodded in agreement.

* * *

Soon, Dana, Marcus, and Silvia arrived at Greasy's Diner. Marcus sat next to Dana instead of Silvia since he was still spooked by the 'plain-faced man' and his warnings.

"So, what do my sweethearts want?" Silvia asked.

"I kind of want pancakes," Marcus said.

Silvia looked at the pancakes section on the menu. "Oh my!" she exclaimed, surprised by the price. "Wouldn't you like something less expensive, dearest?"

As luck would have it, Dana noticed a strength tester machine. Whoever won got free pancakes. "Marcus, why don't you win free pancakes by beating that manliness tester?" she asked.

"Me? Beating a manliness tester?" Marcus asked in response. "I don't know, Stargirl. That's sounds more like something you could do."

"What do you mean?" Dana asked.

"Oh, no offense, Dana," Marcus said. "But you're more of a Manly Manington than me."

"But I'm a girl," Dana insisted. "Girls can't be manly."

"I'm afraid your brother is right," Silvia said. "You beat him at arm wrestling, you dress like a guy, and let's not forget last Tuesday's...incident."

**Flashback**

Dana was in her room wearing a white robe. She was playing air-guitar and listening to a song that was coming from a boombox.

_It's 4pm and I'm still at school  
It's all good, I ain't p-slims fool  
I can't remember when I was ever bored-er  
Coz I got a terminal case of  
Detention deficit disorder  
I got that  
Detention deficit disorder  
I got it bad..._

Just as the last keytar solo in the song began, Silvia walked in. "DON'T COME IN DON'T COME IN!" Dana yelped.

**End Flashback**

"You were listening to your rock mix CD?" Marcus asked.

"No, I wasn't," Dana lied. "It's not important! Look, come on, guys. I'm just a sweet little girl. Don't you think I'm pretty?"

No response.

"Just try it, bro," Dana insisted.

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you," Marcus said. He got up and approached the machine. He grabbed the joystick and squeezed as hard as he could...but nothing happened. He was squeezing so hard, he started sweating.

Dana approached her brother. "Are you sure you're trying?" she asked.

"Yes!" Marcus insisted. "The thing won't budge!" He let go of the joystick and rubbed his sore hand. "Ow..."

"It must be broken," Dana said. "Here, I'll show you." She squeezed the joystick as hard as she could, causing a light to appear next to the 'Man' level.

"Told you," Marcus said. "Manly Manington."

Upset at what happened, Dana headed for the door. "I'll show you I'm girly..." she loudly muttered as she left the diner.

* * *

In the forest, Dana looked at her reflection in a nearby puddle. She sighed and took off her hat.

**Upon realizing she was manlier than her brother, the young girl noticed how boyish she looked. Her tangled hair, her sunburnt nose, her pale skin, the visible bags under her eyes... She didn't resemble a pretty girl at all.**

_"Is it physical?"_ Dana thought. _"Is it mental? What's the secret?"_ She sighed. _"I need help."_

As if on cue, the ground started to rumble. Dana put her hat back on and ran behind a nearby log. A cow-like creature arrived. She was thin with long blonde hair, sparkly blue eyes, and she was wearing a sleeveless pink dress. She quickly noticed Dana.

"Please don't eat me!" Dana yelped. "I haven't showered! In like a week!"

"Yeah right," the creature said, talking like a valley girl. "I'm so not going to eat you. Humans are totally fatty."

Dana looked at the creature. "I can't believe it," she said. "Part animal, part human. Are you some kind of Minotaur?"

"I'm a Manicur," the creature said. "Half girl, half cow."

"So did I summon you?" Dana asked.

"I was walking by when I couldn't help but see you look at your reflection in the lake," the Manicur said. "Do you have, like, emotional issues or whatev's?"

"I have problems, Manicur," Dana said. "Girl-related problems."

"Go on," the Manicur said.

"Well, I'm manlier than my brother," Dana continued. "And I accidentally passed this manliness video game thing. Hey, you seem pretty girly. Maybe you could...give me some pointers."

"LOL, of course I'll help," the Manicur said. "Come with me."

* * *

The Manicur brought Dana to a cave, which was inhabited by other Manicurs. They all had blonde hair, blue eyes, and wore pink outfits, even though there were a few differences between each of them.

"This place is amazing," Dana commented.

"The gnomes live in the trees," the first Manicur said. "The merpeople live in the water. But we Manicurs live in the Sorority Cave." She walked over to a bell and rang it. "Hello fellow sisters!" she said. "I brought along this young girl."

"Hi," Dana said.

"Let me introduce you to the others," the first Manicur said. "This is Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon, Zeta, Eta, Iota, Kappa, Lambda, Mu, Nu, Xi, Omicron, Pi, Rho, Sigma, Tau, Upsilon, Phi, Chi, Psi, Omega, and I'm Theta. What's your name?"

"My name's Dana," the twelve-year-old girl answered.

"Alright, gal pals," Theta told the other Manicurs. "Dana wants us to teach her the secrets of our girlishness."

"I need your help," Dana said. She gestured to her whole self. "Just look at me!"

One of the Manicurs, Sigma, stepped forward and looked at Dana. "Ugh, what's up with your hair?" the Manicur asked. "Have you been using conditioner every night?"

"What's conditioner?" Dana asked.

The Manicurs gasped. "Oh, you totally need help," Sigma said. "Welcome to the Sorority, honorary Manicur."

"Thanks you guys," Dana said. "Whatever it is, I will not let you down."

* * *

The Manicurs brought Dana over to watering hole. "First things first, you need to get rid of all that icky boy stuff on you," Theta said.

"We use this watering hole to clean ourselves," Sigma continued. "Just take off your clothes and hop right in."

Dana looked at the watering hole. "Are you sure this is really necessary?" she asked. "I can't really do this with all of your staring at me."

"So you're, like, one of THOSE girls," Theta said. "Then use the private watering hole."

Dana saw the private watering hole was right next to the watering hole. It was surrounded by a large curtain. _"I like these guys,"_ she thought, glad the Manicurs respect her privacy.

**And so, the young girl went through several more trials. Bathing was the first step. She then accomplished other tasks, including drinking from a china teacup and walking in high heels. But the real challenge didn't begin until later that day.**

* * *

Dana was in a mini spa with some of the Manicurs. "Guys, I just wanna say that these last few hours have been great," the twelve-year-old girl said. "I feel like there's really been some growth. It's just you guys took me under your wing and have just been so supportive. I feel like I'm finally becoming a true girl."

"Hold on there, gal pal," Theta said. "You still have to do one last task. But I must warn you. It's totally impossible to complete."

"I've survived forty-nine other trials," Dana said. "Whatever it is, bring it on!"

* * *

Back in the Sorority Cave, Dana awaited for the trial to begin. She was wearing a dark pink tank top, a light pink skirt, bright pink high heels, and her hair was done in a single braid.

"Like, behold our leader: Alpha," Theta announced.

An elderly Manicur arrived, using a staff as a cane. "Greetings young one," she said. "I am Alpha, the great Manicur leader. You must be Dana, the human girl who wishes to be girly."

Dana nodded in response.

"Very well," Alpha said. "For your task, you must climb the highest mountain and get rid of the Multi-Bear."

"The multee bear?" Dana asked, pronouncing the creature's name. "Is that some sort of bear?"

"It is our sworn enemy," Alpha explained. "Make sure it goes away forever, and your girls-formation will be complete."

"You sure?" Dana asked. "I-I don't know..."

"Dana, is this yours?" Theta asked, taking out a CD case labeled 'Rock Mix'.

"Uh, no!" Dana yelped. "I don't know whose that is."

However, the Manicurs looked concerned. Not wanting to disappoint them, Dana took a deep breath. "Alright, I'll do it," she said. "I'll get rid of the Multi-Bear."

* * *

Reaching the Multi-Bear's lair was hard. Well, it really wasn't, but Dana had a hard time walking in high heels for a long distance. Even though her feet were getting sore, she successfully arrived at the cave.

Sure enough, the Multi-Bear (which was a large female bear with six heads) was there, waiting for her. "Child, why have you come here?" she asked.

"I came here from the Manicurs' home," Dana answered. "Do you think you can leave? You're kind of disturbing them."

"This is foolish!" the Multi-Bear roared. "Leave now or die!"

Dana, however, stood her ground. "So be it," the Multi-Bear said.

The battle began. The Multi-Bear charged at Dana, but she got out of the way. Then the creature threw bones at her, but she dodged the attack by hiding behind a rock. Realizing the Multi-Bear wasn't going to listen to her, Dana spotted some nearby rope and came up with an idea. When she was close enough, she climbed on top of the Multi-Bear and used the rope to choke the main head. The creature collapsed instantly.

But when the dust cleared, Dana noticed something was wrong. The Multi-Bear looked like she passed out. She carefully checked for a pulse.

But she heard nothing.

Dana gasped, dropping the rope in the process. "No..." she whispered. "I didn't mean to..."

What was she going to tell the Manicurs?

* * *

Back in the Sorority Cave, Dana came back. Sure enough, the other Manicurs were waiting for her. "Did you do it?" Theta asked. "Did you get rid of the Multi-Bear?"

"Yeah," Dana answered. "But not what you think." She showed the cow-like creatures an actual heart[-shaped pillow].

The Manicurs gasped. "Is this the heart[-shaped pillow] of the Multi-Bear?" Sigma asked.

"It's not what it looks like!" Dana insisted. "The Multi-Bear wouldn't listen to me, so I tried weakening it using some rope. I ended up knocking it out by mistake. I brought this heart[-shaped pillow] as proof I'm telling the truth."

Alpha took the heart[-shaped pillow] from Dana. "Yes, this is from the Multi-Bear," she said.

"I really tried to convince her to leave using my words," Dana said. "Sorry I failed you guys."

"Whatever do you mean?" Alpha asked. "I told you to get rid of the Multi-Bear. I never said how you should do it. By showing us this heart[-shaped pillow], it is proof you have passed the impossible trial."

"But I used violence," Dana said. "You guys told me violence isn't girly."

"It was a test of character," Alpha explained. "There have been other girls like you before, seeking the same advice. They all failed the final task because they thought they had to get rid of the Multi-Bear using only their words. You, on the other hand, did not make the same mistake."

"Then why did you teach me all of those girly things?" Dana asked.

"It was, like, a lesson," Theta said. "The whole purpose of the training was to sort of tell you that you totally don't have to be like us to be girly."

"So what if you don't use conditioner and you dress like a dude?" Sigma asked.

"And what's the big deal if these are your tunes?" Kappa asked, referring to the rock mix CD.

"What we are trying to say is that it doesn't matter if you aren't like us," Alpha said. "What makes you a true girl is the X chromosome that was given to you by your father."

"Come on, gal pal," Theta said, giving Dana back her stuff. "Get rid of that totally fake image and show us your true self. You're officially one of us."

**So the young girl's confidence was restored, and she lived happily ever after. That is, until she came home and learned Marcus got the chicken pox.**


End file.
